What in the world is “The Friend Zone?” Prior to September when I met this guy who was obsessed with making sure he wasn’t in “The Friend Zone” I had never heard this term before. According to him “The Friend Zone” is a place girls place guys that they view only as a friend and not as a romantic partner. Once a guy has been categorized as “just a friend” it’s nearly impossible to undo.
I just did some research and learned from Wikipedia that the “friend zone” was popularized in 1994 by the television sitcom Friends. I guess if I had be up on my sitcoms I would have know about scary zone that females can also fall victim of. Good thing I never learned about the "friend zone" or I would end up like this guy who now has all these rules to make sure he doesn’t become victim of “The Friend Zone” again.
In this case ignorance really has been bliss for me. I guess I still don't really get the big deal of the "friend zone." For me I’d prefer to date “a friend” someone I know and trust then an enemy, but that is just me. I’m all about safe dating. I’d prefer dating someone I know or a friend of a friend instead of a total stranger. Have you ever seen the movie “So I married an Axe Murder?” Call me crazy, but I don’t want to become the documentary for that movie.
I guess there have been people in my life that I have pigeon holed as just friends. There was this one guy in High school who was my best friend. He really liked me, but I just didn’t share the same feelings. On the other hand he made out pretty well staying friend with me even though he never got to date me. I had a ton of girlfriends and he dated every single one of them. If it wasn’t for us being so good friends they wouldn’t of given him the time of day.
I have another male friend now that works hard to get in the “friend zone” with many females so he can meet her friends and date them. Being in the “friend zone” with these girls’ works to his advantage. They know him and since they don’t like him in that way are more then happy to set him up with their friends. Being his friend they know he’s a good guy and aren’t worried about their friends going out with him. And since they don’t like him in that way they aren’t jealous when he goes out with other girls. I have to say I’m more likely to set up my two really good friends then a good friend with an associate. I would hate to be responsible for setting up one of my girlfriends with a scumbag. Sorry guys, but unless we are really good friends I’m not letting you anywhere close to my girlfriends.
Years later there was another guy that I pigeon holed as being “just a friend.” Then after getting to know him things changed and I fell “head over heels” in love with him. It was the craziest thing. It wasn’t love at first sight at all. When we met I wasn’t looking to fall in love or even date. So, I never really checked him out or even looked at him in the terms of being attractive. He was just there. We quickly become friends and spent a lot of time working together. We really connected and working together was a joy. We had this unbelievable connection. It was as Anne of Green Gables explained it we were kindred spirits. Then something changed and I thought he was the hottest thing ever and I was totally in love with him. This love wasn’t your typical I don’t know you, but I think you’re hot and are fun to hang out with and I just can’t keep my hands off of you, type of thing. I truly loved him and cared about his well being and wanted to spend more time together getting to know him and learning from him. For me it was a hard adjustment to take him out of the so called “friend zone” and allow myself to love him. At first I was kind of mad at him for changing things and confused about what was going on, but after talking to him and understanding what happened and finding out he felt the same way towards me we worked things out. Unfortunately this story doesn’t have a happily ever after ending. As circumstances has it, or shall we say Murphy’s Law, soon as we professed our love for each other we both moved and as hard as we tried to keep in touch we lost in touch. I have never loved or cared about someone as much as I loved and cared about him. What we shared was truly amazing. When we were together I was a different person, a better person. Loving him gave me the strength to be that person I want to be. I found a me that I never knew existed. A more spiritual me, a more god centered me, a me that has amazing goals and abilities. I truly loved the me that I was when I was with him and am working on becoming that woman with out him. I hope someday to come across another kindred spirit and be so lucky to marry him.
I don’t view being in the “friend zone” as this black hole that is inescapable. Have you ever seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding?” I love that movie. Seriously, if my best friend had professed his love for me right before my last two weddings I would of totally married him. Next time it will be different. The last two times I got married to get out of situations. I am finally happy with where I am in life and where I am going. I love where I live and I have a job that supports me. I no longer need some guy to rescue me. Especially since instead of rescuing me I ended up in a worse situation than I was in. Boy, did I learn the hard way that the grass is not greener on the other side. I was lucky to get out when I did and happy that there were no children involved.
I’ve got another good example of someone that is was and is again in the “friend zone.” I have another friend that when we first met we placed each other in the “friend zone.” It just worked out better that way. This way we could hang out all the time and have fun with out worrying about whether each other liked the other. The only problem with this is the more two people spend together the more they get to know each other and then they can easily start to like each other. And it doesn’t help the matter when both of you think the other is totally hot. So as you have it after a particular hot weekend we considered removing each other from the friend zone, but after some deep consideration we decided for now it’s best we keep the “just friends status.” On the other hand things could change for us in the future. Maybe after we both get more of our lives in order things will change. Till then we can work together in helping each other get to where we want to be in life. At least we got one thing agreed upon we both think the other is totally hot, so at least we know each other is the other’s type. It’s not like we are both doomed to the “friend zone.” On the other hand there are some friends that are in the “friend zone” who will never come out because there is something about their looks or personality that makes them a great friend, but won’t let them get beyond that. I have to say it’s kind of nice having a totally hot friend to hang out with. With that being said since we are such good friends, with similar senses of humor hopefully as we continue to make friends we will be able to make friends that other will want to date and we can both win in this friendship. It’s helpful to know what your friends are looking for so if you meet someone that fits the bill you can introduce them.
I’ve never been picky with who I married and look where I ended up. This time I’m going to be extra picky, as now I have learned I deserve more. Much more. As they say third time is the charm. Next time I am going to marry my best friend, my kindred spirit. Someone that is working towards the same eternal goals as I am. Someone that when I’m with them makes me want to be a better person and brings out the best in me. And since I’m planning on being extra picky this time Husband #3 will be #1 in my book. He is going to be totally hot and when he kisses me my toes will curl.
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