Can Men and Women be friends?

Can Men and Women be friends?  According to Harry in the movie “When Harry Met Sally” it’s impossible because sex always gets in the way.  I have a few really good male friends so my immediate response is Harry is dead wrong. But, then I got thinking, what if he is right?  What if all Male/Female friendships are always one sided? Is one person always hoping for more, but just trying or pretending to be content to appeases the other person? 

They always say you should marry your best friend so maybe more Men and Women should be friends first.  I really like this theory.  I am kind of getting sick of dating. I know I’ve only been in the dating scene a couple of months, but it’s really exhausting and stressful. Everyone seems so on edge when they go on dates. Or maybe I’m just dating the wrong people or going on the wrong types of dates. Lately I’ve been having so much more fun just hanging out with my friends. I don’t have to worry about what I wear, how I look or what I say. I can just be me. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not saying I don’t want to go out on dates or I’m not looking forward to going out with a certain someone.  I just want to have more fun and want my dates to be more relaxed when we go out.

The reality is it’s very tricky to go from being best friends or “just friends” to lovers. On the other hand it should be easier to date someone you already have history with and know everything about then dating a complete stranger.  If you date someone you are already friends with then you already know what they like and can do tons of fun stuff together that you both enjoy. And you won’t annoy each other to no end.  It’s really bad when you date someone and the more you get to know them the more they drive you crazy. If that person was already was your friend that wouldn’t happen, you would know all their annoying quarks and would have already accepted them and love them or they wouldn’t still be your friends.

If you were hoping I was going to tell you how to make that transition from being best friends or “just friends” to lovers you are out of luck. I have no idea.  That is one of those mysteries that no one really knows.  I do have one male friend that I find totally hot and would totally date him, but that isn’t going to happen any time soon.  And as much as I’m in love with him the reality is there are some things about his personality that I really couldn’t live with.  So, I’m more in love with the idea of him that actually him. As for my other male friends. I don’t know if I would date them. Two are  married and I totally love their wives so I have no interest in them other then friendship. And the others, I don’t know them well enough to know if I would ever date them.  I have to say if you want to date me you have a better chance of me falling in love with you if you are my friend first.  Make me laugh. Don’t just take me to dinner and a movie, but do fun stuff with me.  Get groups of people together and let’s do stuff. I may be a girl, but I like to get dirty and keep active.  I like to play games and go exploring.  We live in a city with tons of history, let’s be tourists for the day. Let’s go hiking and slide down the muddy mountain or explore those caves. Let’s build or bake or cook something.  Did I tell you I’m a succor for food?  Not many things will get me off my lazy butt and out of my warm apartment, but if you say you are cooking my favorite dessert or something yummy. I’m there.  I know one guy has figured this out as I seem to keep showing up at his place every time he has an open invitation for food.  Being single and working full time has really changed the things that motivate me.

Single and It’s complicated

I’ve had two friends change their status from Single to “In a relationship and it’s complicated.” Isn’t that a given. All relationships are complicated. Its like telling people don’t eat yellow snow. By now we should all know that relationships are complicated. If they weren't 50% of all marriages wouldn't end in divorce. People are complex and when you try to meld two lives it's a lot like trying to blend oil and water. On the other hand I never realized how complicated being single was. There are so many rules unwritten rules.

1. Don't infringe on other girls territory or you will start a catfight. 
2. Prior to being single I never texted. Now texting is the thing to do and there are so many rules. Don't respond to texts too quickly because then you seem desperate 
3. Don't text too often because that is annoying. 
4. Be careful when sending texts because it's easy to accidentally send it to the wrong person.
5. Then there are the kissing rules. It’s ok for a guy to kiss multiple girls, but guys won’t take you serious if you kiss multiple guys. So now I have to resist kissing the guy who has his face in mine if I want to ever be more then just his kissing buddy.  
6. Then there is the clothing issue. There is a very fine line between dress sexy, but not slutty.  You will get a guy's attention with slutty, but just like kissing if you want to be the girl they take home to mom there is a fine line. He doesn't want a prude, but he also doesn't want a slut. 
7. Also how do you know if he is really busy or just not interested in you.  This is a hard one because I'm very busy, so when I say I'm busy that day I'm really busy. I actually had a guy tell me that he's never been turned down for so many dates and continued to pursue a girl. I thought that was quite strange. Apparently he has been told by girls in the past that they are busy when they aren't interested. That's not very nice. That gives us truly busy girls a bad rap.  So, now I kind of wonder if those guys that I've been trying to get together with say they are busy are really busy or are they just not interested in me.

With everyday I learn new rules to the dating game it just gets more and more complicated. Where is a handbook when I need one. When I was in Human Resources I used to write handbooks.  Back then I was on top, the creator of rules. Now I'm just one of the little fishes in the sea who seems to be swimming upstream a lot of the time.  I have managed to start a cat fight, been told by a guy that I'm annoying because I text too much, became that kissing buddy instead of the intended girlfriend, and am probably pursuing a guy that has no interest in me.  Let's just see how many more times I can make a fool of myself and stick my foot in my mouth?

Maybe I should switch my status to it’s complicated. 

I have come to realize that life is complicated no matter what your relationship status is.  When you are single you have multiple complicated relationships and when you are in a committed relationship all that complicatedness and frustration is centered around a single person.  There is no escaping the appendix of "it's complicated."

To be or not to be Roomies

When I first moved out I thought it would be fun to live with roommates. It would help me meet new people and to become social in the singles scene. Unfortunately I was unable to find roommates and moved into a place by myself.   I love my apartment. It's new, clean, smells great, I never have to worry about parking, and very spacious. I have slowly made friends but, wish I had more girlfriends to hang out with. Recently I have been looking at the YSA Yahoo group and I see many listings for people seeking female roommates.  I have been seriously been considering giving up my great apartment and moving in with roommates. Getting my gas bill this month also has encouraged me to consider roommates. Since I moved in it has been around $10. This month it was about $40.  That heater sure is expensive to run. That doesn't make me very happy. If I lived with roommates the cost of rent would be about half the price and we'd be sharing in the cost of utilities.  Money is one factor but, the biggest reason for me to move would be so I'd have an instant circle of friends to hang out with.  That is something I really feel that I am missing out on by living alone.

The thing that is holding me back from moving and giving roommates a try is what if it doesn't work out then what? I'd hate to loose my apartment. I doubt I would be able to find anything as good as what I have. I never imagined I would find as great a place as I found. I looked at tons of apartments before I choose this one and none of them come close.

I talked to my girlfriend the other day and she reminded me of how catty girls can be.  So, as much as I would like to live in ignorant bliss that we'd get along perfect with my luck it would be a disaster.  Why do I say this? Well, recently I went through a less then pleasant experience that left me on this girl's blacklist and I really don't want a repeat of that. I really liked this girl she was tons of fun to hang out with, but it doesn't look like we'll be hanging out any time soon. And it wasn't like I stole this girl's boyfriend or anything. They had been friends for a long time and she had a boyfriend at the time. What happened was a mutual male friend and I got a little too friendly for her liking.  I was totally ignorant to the fact that he was her property and for me to keep my hands off.  So it was a very rude awakening when all of a sudden her and I went from being best buds to bitter enemies. The thing is I didn't even get the guy in the process. We were just friends then and to this day we remain just friends. But, because of being black listed by her I rarely get to hang out with him because they are always together. It's just not fair.  So, if this is how it is with all girls then I'm thinking that having roommates is not a good idea.

What I don't understand is why girls are so catty when it comes to guys.  If you aren't stealing someone's boyfriend or finance then why can't girls be happy for other girls?  If any girls want to date my male friends, date any of the guys I'm dating, or hook up with any of my ex's go right ahead.  I'm totally cool with that. I'm not being sarcastic at all. If we're not exclusive then he is all yours. I'll be thrilled for you. Obviously the two of you share a stronger connection then the two of us. I wish you all the happiness in the world. 

Too young for Cancer

In many of my blog posts I have talked about living today as if there is no tomorrow. I have worked hard at taking that to heart, but I realize that I haven’t done a good enough job.  In the back of my mind I keep thinking that I’m only 35, so I have plenty of time to fulfill all of my dreams. The reality is our lives can be cut short at any time. Sometimes age and health are not factors in how long we will live. Sometimes God has other plans for us.  We need to be ready to go with out warning. 

You are probably wondering what brought this on.   This morning I was informed that my girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer on Monday and was admitted to the hospital today. She starts Chemo on Thursday.  Family and friends are hoping through faith and prayer and amazing new medical technology the treatment will work and either the cancer will disappear or go into remission so she will be able to live a long life.  (To the left is a picture of her and her family. Her son isn't even a year old yet.)

She is not the only friend I have dealing with medical issues in her life. I have another girlfriend who is also my age dealing with medical issues. I also have several friends who have children who were born with various illnesses, diseases, etc that will shorten their lives so much that my friends will have to bury their own children before they ever reach adulthood.  I can’t imagine giving birth to a child and finding out no matter how much you love them and care for them their lives will be cut short.

Then on Christmas I talked to another friend who’s parents just got on a plane to go back home. He was sad to have them go because he doesn’t know if he’ll ever see his dad again. I guess that makes me feel good that I took the time to visit my parents for Christmas and glad we took a family picture. Because what if this is that last Christmas we have together. You just never know.

In addition my boss is 77 and he was suppose to go on a cruise with his family over the holiday and a week before he was scheduled to leave he went to the doctor because he wasn’t feeling well.  Unfortunately his doctor wouldn’t let him go on his vacation and I’ve barley seen my boss since he went to the doctor because he’s been feeling so awful.  My boss has his good days and bad days, but I had no idea he was doing so poorly. Back in August he stopped driving, but I really didn’t think much of it because he has had some problems driving and I just thought it would be good for him to stay off the streets. I didn’t think he health would continue to deteriorate.

With that being said now what? What am I going to do different today? 

I’ve been exercising everyday since last Thursday so that is a change. I’ve stopped putting that off.

I have e-mailed my mom all of my passwords so just in case I die tomorrow she can access all of my accounts.

I have updated my beneficiaries so if I do pass on my parents are back to inheriting everything. Not that I have a lot, but they will get what I have.

I’m going to start back writing my book.  I realize that if I keep coming to work early I can stop working so late; I can get home at a decent hour and can spend a few hours before bed writing. I think I’ll start that today.  There is someone out there waiting for this book to be published so I’d better get moving before it’s too late.

I’m going to love like I’ve never been hurt. Which isn’t easy because I’ve had my heart broken once too many times this past year. 

I’m going to be more open and share more of myself with those around me. I have a tendency to be a total goof ball with some people and full of naughty jokes. And with other people I am all serious and not a lot of fun.  I need to figure out a way to combine those two sides of me so people get the whole picture. I do have depth and I can be fun.  I haven’t figured out a plan yet to mesh that, but I’ve got to work on that.

I’m going to let go of my fears that continue to hold me back.  This is so much easier said then done. I have so many fears that prevent me from doing and feeling so many things in life.  I haven’t traveled because of my fears of getting lost and just traveling alone in a foreign country. I don’t have any children due to my fear of postpartum depression and the fear of being a horrible mother.  I don’t have my dog with me either due to fear or logic that it would stress me out.  (Apartments and dogs aren’t a good fit.) I am not working in Corporate America due to my fear of failing and possibly the fear or logic that it’s not worth all the stress.

I did get over the fear of being on my own so I am stepping in the right direction. I live alone and I am financially supporting myself.  So, that fear has been overcome. Now I just need to get over the other millions of fears I have.

Yesterday I was researching vacations and I found one that I really want to take. It’s a 10 day vacation in Bali with a Yoga instructor I met last year.  I talked to one of the girls who went on one of her previous trips to Bali and she said it was the best vacation ever. The trip isn’t till October so I have plenty of time to get my passport and everything in order to go.

I had a weird conversation a while back with this guy that said logically there shouldn’t be all these unmarried people in the LDS Singles Scene. If we all believe the same thing and want the same things we should all just pair off and get married. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard a guy say. But if you think about it, there is some logic to it. I’m not saying that I’m going to run off and get married the day after tomorrow, but he does have a valid point.  What if there really is no tomorrow?  What if I only have 5 years left to live or even less?  Maybe I should stop waiting for this guy to get his life together and maybe I should just hook up with someone that already has his life together. It’s just a thought.  Don’t worry I’m not going to jump into another marriage. This time I am going to be head over heels in love with him, I’m going to find him totally hot, and we are going to have that spiritual connection that I had forgotten I wanted so much. So you can relax. It was just a bizarre conversation I had that kind of fit into this thought of life is short and we shouldn’t waste another minute.  On the other hand I am one who wants all of her ducks in a row. But if you look at life this new perspective, then maybe it’s ok if one duck is out of place. Just a thought.

Out with the old and in with the new

It’s that time of year again. Time to get rid of all those things that limit you and aren’t helping you to reach your potential.  It’s more then just a time to make New Year’s Resolutions. It’s time to make lifestyle changes.  You may not be able to change all of life’s circumstances and situations but you have power to change how you react.   Over the past year and a half I have done away with many dreams and replaced them with new dreams. I have ended relationships and fostered new relationships. I have bounced around like a little rubber ball at times and it appears like I may have found a small patch of sand to contain me for the moment, I feel pretty grounded that is until another wind storm comes, blows away the sand and I end up bouncing around again. I hope prior to then I will be able to grow strong enough roots so I will be firm in my foundation.  Here are some changes I have made and other changes I want to make. If all goes as planned these changes will help me to develop the roots I need to keep myself on the path to a reach my potential.

• During this past year I have replaced my house with an apartment, the paperwork is still in progress, but in September I finally moved. 
• I finally took a leap of faith and left my husband for a new healthier life. 
• I made the switch from a group Health Insurance to a private plan. That was a long stressful process, but if finally ended when I got proof of insurance last Thursday. 
• I went from working part time to working full time. I didn’t realize how difficult of an adjustment it would be. I never realized working full time would be such a domino effect.  I have had to juggle my whole lifestyle and still haven’t quite figured out how to get everything done.  Going to the gym and exercising bounced out of the equation. The same with writing, quilting, and cooking.  I am having a hard time working them all back in.  I have also juggled in some cooking, but not much.  I am still cooking some and freezing meals, which I eat for lunch, but I’m lacking on variety.  After I moved I was doing ok on the exercise thing until this guy I was dating said I wasn’t getting a good work out. I felt so judged by him, embarrassed, and then depressed that I totally stopped exercising. I shouldn’t of listened to him because he was not one to judge he was over weight and totally out of shape. But, I did and totally got out of the habit. Thank goodness I got that scumbag out of my life, but his mean words and the depression he caused didn't leave with him. I know I shouldn’t let what people say hurt me, but I do. That is something I need to work on. Till I’ve perfected it I’m just going to have to do away with mean hurtful people. 
• To keep my own sanity it's time I clean my closets of some so called friends.  Good bye to all those one sided friendships, to those of you that don't like the way I dress, the way I laugh, etc. It's not always easy to let go of dysfunctional friendships, especially if you really love and care about those people. But unless the friendships become healthy sometimes it's better just to let go. It's time to replace unhealthy relationships with people who say “Never Change.”  Those are true friends. It's not the number of friends one has it's the quality of those friends.  It's time to surround myself with those people that make me want to be a better person when I am around them.
• Now for the fun stuff, the things that keep one balanced between work and play. Donate all the clothing I never wear and buy a new wardrobe. Including new shoes and accessories. This may not be happening any time soon, but if you fail to plan then you plan to fail so I might as well dream for the impossible as if it's possible.
• Taking more vacations. I want to visit Europe, Africa, Israel, China, Michigan, Canada, Fiji, Hawaii, everywhere. I have been on line looking at different tour groups but I really need to find some recommendations from friends who have traveled alone. I know it's not safe for women to travel alone, but as for now I don't know anyone who wants to and can afford to take a trip. So if anyone reading this wants to go with me or knows of someone let me know.
• Take more spontaneous trips.
• Go sky diving. Because I can. I am young and healthy and it's time for me to do all those things that I have always wanted to do, but haven't. There may be no tomorrow, so I 'd better get going and stop procrastinating.  
• Have fun  and spend more time doing things and with people that make me Laugh until I cry. 
• Be less self-conscious and more out going.
• Love like I've never been hurt.
• Dance like no one is watching
• Work and Play as if there is no tomorrow.
• Dream as if everything is possible

Compatibility Tests

My Puppy and I would like to wish you a Very Merry Christmas.

I’ve never put much stock in compatibility tests, fortunetellers, tarot cards, or zodiac signs. Recently in conversations with a number of guys I have heard some of the most unusual compatibility tests/theories.

Tv show theory. I have this friend that ruled out this girl because she doesn’t like watching the same types of shows.  At first I thought this is the stupidest reason not to date someone, but then I got to thinking. Maybe there is some stock in this.  If two people have very different senses of humor then maybe it just isn’t a good match. It would be horrible if one person told all of these jokes and instead of the other person laughing they felt insulted or just confused the whole time. That just wouldn’t make for a very fun relationship.  I want to date someone who will keep me laughing all the time. I need humor in my life and if the guy I’m with can’t bring that to me that is not a good thing. 

Good Dance partners = kissing compatibility. If you enjoy dancing together it means you will enjoy kissing. Because according to him no one is a bad kisser it’s just our kissing styles aren’t always compatible. Some people are into different kissing styles.  This was the funniest theory I have every heard. When he told it to me I just couldn’t stop laughing.  Since I like kissing so much this is one theory I’d love to test out.  A New Year’s Eve or Holiday Dance would be the perfect test ground especially if they hang lots of mistletoe. If I really liked dancing with someone I could move him under the mistletoe and test my theory.  And then when I find a lousy dancer I can do the same thing, but the guy who can’t dance better be hot because I love dancing and he’s got to have something going for him.  So if you want in on the action make sure you step up and ask me to dance. This may just be your lucky night?!  Isn’t New Year’s Eve all about the kiss?! At least that is what some of my single friends told me.  There is one party I was invited to that was offering to match people up for the epic kiss.

Zodiac Compatibility. Another guy said he is the epidemy of his Zodiac sign and if I wanted to learn more about him I should read about his Zodiac sign.  Well, I did and was shocked at how similar he was to how his sign described him. I did find some differences thought so it wasn’t 100% accurate, so that makes me really questions the compatibility charts they have come up with. Maybe I should put some stock in Zodiac signs.  I’m not sure since I really like him and some other guys that if I went solely by what the Zodiac compatibility charts say there is no hope for us.

Grocery Shopping. I have also heard that the best place to find someone to date is in the grocery store. What one eats tells a lot about a person so by looking in one’s cart you will learn a lot about a person.

Shoes. According to a guy I met he says that the shoes a person wears tells a lot about a person.  I asked him if that means that all my friends and I will wear the same type of shoes and he said no. We all are unique and enjoy the company of people who are different from us so we will hang around people who wear all different types of shoes. I’m still confused, so if you get how this works please let me know.

If you have any other great compatibility theories I’d love to hear. If I could weed out all the scumbags from the dating pool I will be one step closer to living happily ever after with out any more undue drama in my life. 

Milk and Cookies

Isn’t this how every family is?  Growing up as a kid you assume your family is completely normal and every other family is just like yours. It wasn’t till I started watching tv and movies that I realize that every family is not like mine.  My family is missing the cookie-making gene. When I go visit Grandma as I walk up the porch I am not overcome by the mouth-watering aroma of cookies baking in the over.  I now feel like a deprived child. How come my Grandma doesn’t make me cookies?  I love watching all those funny and feel good Christmas specials they run continuously on tv during the holiday, but they also make me kind of sad and remind me of what I am missing out on.  I’m an only child so there are no little kids running around during the Christmas holidays. No water gun fights in the middle of the living room. No sledding down the stairs. Not only does my Grandma not greet me with Milk and cookies we also don’t have any baking traditions for the holidays. It could be due to my mom was a bit of a health nut when I was a kid. I am happy to say that under her care I never had a cavity. I didn’t get one till I was in college and it was minor.

Our family had our own unique traditions.  My mom made all the holiday gifts for friends and family.  I love making gifts and have carried on this tradition.  It has become a yearlong activity for us so everything is done in time for Christmas.  Good think I started in January this year working on my Aunts gift because due to all the chaos this year she is the only one who got a gift from me.  She has no idea how special that makes her gift.  When I was growing up our tradition was to go to New York and stay at my Paternal Grandma’s house for a week.  Being a kid I loved it.  I got to spend a week Grandma’s.  Growing up in CA we never got snow for Christmas, but going to NY a few times we would be blessed with a White Christmas. I remember walking down to the Soda Shop with my dad and getting a Malt.  During the week we really packed in a lot. One night my Grandpa would take me to a Broadway show and the other nights we would spend visiting family and friends. When my best friend moved to NJ after our first year in High school we added visiting his family to the list.

Now that Grandma has passes away we no longer go to NY.  When she passes away our tradition changed to spending Christmas with my Maternal Grandma. Now that she has passed away our family is at a loss of what to do. When I was married we were spending it with my in-laws and his cousins and aunts and uncles and that was a lot of fun. I really loved spending time with his family they were so much. Now that we split up my parents and I are on our own for Christmas for the first time this year. It’s quite an adjustment. I’m working today, but will be leaving early so I can get down to my parents house for dinner and the plan is to play some games such as Clue. We all love playing games so that should be fun. I am happy to see that it has stopped raining.  Unfortunately my Dad works Christmas day so we won’t be seeing him so I’ll be coming back home in the afternoon in hopes to make it a safe drive back to my apartment in the rain.  And that will be that. Hopefully when I have my own family we will be able to incorporate some fun festive family traditions much like I have seen on all those Christmas Specials I love watching. Such as lots of baking of Christmas goodies. Building of Gingerbread houses. And making of home made ornaments.

Cool Christmas Stockings

Aren't those the coolest stockings ever?!

As promised here are some pictures. I forgot how to use the self timer so this is my not so successful attempt to take my own picture.  As you can see I was unsuccessful in finding an outfit to go with my cool socks.  It could be due to I'm on a budget so finding the perfect outfit at Goodwill or DI is a challenge.  While I was at DI last week I came across this red dress for $3 and I knew I had the beginnings of the perfect holiday outfit.  I had seen stocking like my cool socks the week before, but they were expensive so I didn't get them. So now it's Friday afternoon and all I have is a dress. I was running late so I stopped by Party City hoping to find the over priced stocking and was happy to see these for $3, not exactly what I had seen the week before, but they worked. My procrastination and frugality paid off.  I went back to the original store where I had seen the overpriced stockings because I still needed shoes. You may be surprised to know I don't own any red shoes and black ones just wouldn't look right so I happily bought these red ones on clearance. I am happy to report that they are really comfy. I was surprised after a night of dancing my feet didn't kill.

  

Happy Holidays:)

Off the Naughty list onto the Good list

I’m trying to get my self off of Santa’s Naughty list and move over to the good list. I have to say it’s so much easier being naughty then being good.  Being good takes a lot of work. You can’t just go with the flow. You have to make a conscious effort all the time in what you do, say, read, watch, etc.  I am not so far down the naughty list that I’m going to get coal in my stocking, but I want to move up on the good list. I want to fill my life with good, better and best choices.

I know that if I keep doing what I’ve always done I will end up where I’ve always been.  As you all know change is difficult and we usually avoid change at all cost.  No one likes change, but I know I need to change. This brings me to my Christmas wish. All I want for Christmas is motivation.  I don’t think I’m asking for too much. I’m not asking to end world hunger or for peace on earth.  Although those are things I’d love to have too.  I’m also not asking to win the lottery or for a million dollars. All I want is to be more motivated.  I have no idea why I’m so unmotivated.  It seems like just a year and a half ago I had it all together. I was going to the gym everyday, working on my book and really working towards the person I wanted to be. Then I lost my vision.  Some of that can be due to my life turned upside down.  I now have to work full time so I no longer have the luxury of working out in the morning, working on my book, sewing, etc in the morning and then showing up to work at noon.  I now need to get up early and get to work and I can’t take days off like I used to.  At the same time there are still 24 hours in a day and being a college graduate I should be talented enough to juggle my schedule so I can still fit everything in.  I know my problem is not the lack of time; instead it’s my lack of time management and motivation.  Getting out of bed is a struggle for me each day. For some reason I am just not motivated to get out of bed even thought I know I need to get to work to pay my bills. Money just isn’t motivation enough for me.  Getting up early so I have enough time to work out before I go to work isn’t motivating me either.  I used to be motivated to work out. I used to love going to Gold’s Gym after work and working out for a few hours. That was when I was into body building.  Maybe I need to start going to the gym after work instead of trying to go before work.  That is an idea.

I’m not sure how I can motivate myself to make the time to work on my book everyday. Working on my book was helping me to become the person I want to be. It was a magical time for me.  It gave me a glimpse of how things can be in my life if I put in the effort.  So the best choice for me would be to work on my book a little each day.

There are other changes I need to make in life to become the person I am destined to be.

I need to improve my sense of humor. I have a tendency to come up with a bit too many naughty jokes. I also need to work on being less sarcastic.  This is something I’ve been working on for a while, but I still haven’t mastered. I really believe I can have just as much fun and laugh just as much with more family friendly jokes.

I also need to be more conscious of the company I keep and what I do for entertainment.   I also need to go to bed when I’m tired.  There is always tomorrow.  I know in a few of my blogs I say that I need to live like there is no tomorrow and I mean that, but I have also learned that I have a tendency to make bad decisions and say the wrong things when I’m tired.

I believe that if I make these changes in my life and become that person I want to be I can still have fun, maybe even more fun.  I see kids all the time laughing and having a good time, doing the goofiest things to entertain them selves. I need to be more like them.  As I transform myself into the person I want to be I know I may loose some of my so-called friends along the way and that’s ok.  I know that my true friends will stick around.  In the end I will make new friend, attracting those people who have the same goals, vision, and standards as I do.

Holiday Cheer

I’m a little slow going, but I’m finally getting into the Holiday Festivities.   I think watching all those Christmas shows have helped me get into the mood.  How can you not feel cheery after watching all those cute and funny shows on the Hallmark Channel?  I love shows that make me feel good, don't cause me to cry and end happily ever after.  I also love the Christmas shows that make me laugh.   For me the holidays are a time to spend with family and friends.  As a kid we'd spend a week with my Paternal Grandmother visiting family and friends. The holidays had nothing to do with gifts, it was all about spending the with the people we loved.  When my Paternal Grandmother passed away our family began spending Christmas with my Maternal Grandmother and my mom's sister and family. Now that she has passed away my cousin hates me, and I'm no longer married my parents and I are really lost as to what to do for Christmas. It would be different if I had siblings or children, we would have our own traditions started by now.  Till I have a family of my own and we create new traditions we'll just have to live in limbo.

There are a few things that I enjoy doing durning this time of year.  I love going ice skating on the rinks they pour for the holiday in downtown.  My favorite so far is the the one in San Francisco. It's fun to spend the day in the city and go ice skating. I went ice skating a few weeks back in down town. It was fun, but not as fun as the one in the City. I guess I miss ice skating begin part of an whole day adventure. 

Another fun event is the Dickens Fair.  I didn't go this year, but I went many years back with my girlfriend and we had a blast.  It's so fun seeing everyone dressed up.  They do a great job creating a festive environment.  Next time I go I'd love to dress up. I love their dresses. When my girlfriend and I went we tried to find a dress there that fit, but unfortunately they were all too big for us. There are plusses to being small, but finding adorable dresses isn't one of them.

I love dressing up in costumes and dresses.  So, another thing I was looking forward to this year was going to the ball one of the singles groups was putting on. Unfortunately they switched the event and they are taking a bus trip to see the light at the Oakland Temple. That will probably be a fun event, but I was really looking forward to dressing up. 

I’ve always wanted to go to wear one of those red floor length gowns with white fluffy trim. I know it’s a little cheesy, but I saw one in the window once and ever since then I’ve dreamed of wearing one(like the one pictures above but with out the train).   I have no idea where I could get away wearing this dress, but it's on my bucket list of things to do.

I’m not a big holiday baker, but I went to a holiday party yesterday and they asked everyone to bring a plate of goodies.  I was just going to bring some sees suckers from work, but after my crappy day yesterday I decided baking something would be therapeutic.  I made one of my favorite holiday treats.  Marshmallows dipped in caramel and rolled in Rice Krispies.  So yummy.  Some families have holiday baking traditions, but mine never did. My mom was more of a health nut growing up. My snacks were carrot sticks and peanut butter, apples, and pop corn (not the microwave kind.)  On the other hand my best friend in high school, her mom was a baker. I loved going over there for the holidays. They always had so many yummy treats.

One thing I’ve always adored were those red and white striped knee high socks with fluff on the tops.  Today, while running errands with my boss I finally broke down and bought a pair. I would model them for you, but I don’t have anything to wear with them.  If I put them on with my jeans you’ll never see them.  They sell them all over and I’d really like to know what people wear them with.  It’s way too cold for shorts and that would look kind of goofy. If you have some suggestions let me know. Till then you’ll have to just enjoy the picture of my lonely sock.  Soon as I can come up with the perfect outfit to go with the socks I'll have to put it on and break out my new cookie cutters and make some magic.

I still have a few things on my holiday festivities list.

1. Have fun being a kid again. I have spent my whole life saving and preparing for the future that I forget to have fun and enjoy the moment. Today I'm going to take time to smell the roses.
2. Take a picture with Santa. 
3. Go sledding (I went down hill skiing for the first time last year and was ok, no injuries and only fell down twice all season.  It was ok, but not really my thing. I went several times and took several lessons. Maybe if I was better I would enjoy it more. On the other hand I haven’t gone sledding since I was a kid, but it sounds fun.)
4. Build a snowman.  I figured if I go sledding I might as well build a snowman.
5. Make a few more holiday treats (I just bought the coolest cookie cutters and can’t wait to try them out.)
6. Write a letter to Santa/make my Christmas list (can’t remember the last time I made one, but I think I’ll give it a try this year)
7. To go along with #5 I'd work harder at being less naughty
8. Get crafty (I used to be very crafty over the holidays, making everyone gifts, but since I’ve moved I haven’t made anyone a gift. Good thing I made my Aunts gift in Jan or she wouldn’t have gotten anything this year.  It could also be due to the fact that I’m never home. I have thought of making some of my friends quilts, but they take a lot of time and are expensive to make. I’ll have to work on budgeting in time and money for that.  I did buy material for one quilt that I had hoped to make at a quilt retreat, but due to poor weather I never got to go. That is a very sad and disappointing story.)

My Life in Pictures

After a really crappy beginning of my day things are looking better. Nothing has really been resolved or fixed. I still have to reapply for health insurance. I still won’t get 2010’s benefits or pricing. And I will still have to hold my breath to see if I qualify for health insurance for next year and hope they don’t loose my application this time.

Back to my day looking better. I just looked on facebook and someone posted and tagged me in the below picture.  This picture was taken in the kitchen at my girlfriend's wedding. It only includes 3 of us, but there was a whole group of us helping out in the kitchen. It was a lot of work, but I'm glad I volunteered. It was a great opportunity to get to know her friends. Some I met just that day or the day before setting up and others I met at her engagement party.  She's got a great family and great group of friends. We all worked together well and had a lot of laughs.  Being my charming self I was able to get this guy to join us women in the kitchen. It was a lot of work, but was worth it for the amount of laughing we did.  I don’t remember the last time I laughed and smiled so much. Seeing this picture just reconfirms to me that taking pictures of fun times can cure me of a bad mood.

In my resolution to take pictures maybe I will stop untagging pictures of me people post on facebook.  You may be surprise to know that from 2007-2010 I had a daily photo blog which I posted pictures of myself, my house, and the projects I was working on.  So, using a camera and capturing my life via photos isn’t total foreign to me. I just got out of the habit.  To add to it I don’t have a pocket camera anymore.  Yesterday I did some research on small digital camera that have a long battery life, but got overwhelmed over the millions of choices. To add to it, then I’d have to remember to bring it with me.   I came to the conclusion; till I can commit to taking pictures and find a camera that is small enough to fit in my already crammed full pockets, I’ll just start carrying my cell phone and use it’s camera.

Last night I met up with some friends and we made gingerbread houses.  I was really on the ball and got some pictures. Below is  a picture of my girlfriend and I and our finished creations.. 

Now I just I hope that my taking and posting pictures won’t backfire on me and cause drama in my life. 

Who's that girl?

 I am the girl that:

Is shy

Will jump up on the table and dance

Loves going to plays

Loves watching the X-Games

Is such a girl

Would take a challenge to mud wrestling, wants to shoot a gun & ride a bull

Loves watching Action and Adventure Movies

Does not like chick flicks that make you cry

Is not a hot tub fan

If dared will jump on your roommate while he’s sleeping

Not a fan of ballet classes

Trained for the WWE

Winced when she paid $8 for a bottle of Sesame Oil

Didn’t flinch when she spent $100 for groceries for a friend’s family

Hates Roller coasters

Wants to go skydiving

Took years of ballroom dancing & competed

Took pole dancing classes

Dresses conservatively

Loves dressing up in costumes and wild outfits

Loves quilting, sewing, & Crafts

Can install a drip system

Paints beautiful oil paintings

Has not mastered not getting paint on the ceiling when painting walls

Is not a morning person

Loves doing charity runs such as the Bay To Breakers really early in the morning

Loves planning things in advance

Loves a spontaneous adventure

Can’t sit still

Loves cuddling up and watching a movie

Doesn’t like mind games

Loves Board Games

On her mission was a stickler for rules

Smashed a cake in her district leaders face

I am that wild and spontaneous girl that will forever keep you on your toes. I love having fun and laughing. I try to fit in so depending on the company I do my best to act accordingly. When I am at church I try my best to be reserved and quiet. Depending on which friends I am with I can be totally loud and obnoxious or quiet as a mouse.  For the most part we play off the people we are with. If we are with a conservative crowd we tend to be more reserved.  If I am surrounded by loud and obnoxious people I tend to be really loud and obnoxious too.  I love making my friends laugh. The other night we were getting ready for a party and realized that my neon pink slip along with my electric blue top and blinding yellow sweater would have been a blinding combination so I strutted my stuff and show my girlfriend. We nearly died laughing. If only I could have gone with out the dress, just in the slip, I would have been a sight to see.

I work hard, live within my means, save my money, and pack a change of clothing so I can be spontaneous.  Life is too short not to have fun. 

At the same time I need to loosen up more and have fun. I need to stop stressing and laugh more. I need to have more fun and stop worrying about people judging me and gossiping about me.  They are going to do it no matter what I do.  I need to stop letting those people run my life like I have recently.

Today I resolve to stop worrying what othe people think, laugh more, stop being so self-conscious, take more pictures, be more spontaneous, live with no regrets, love more, take more chances, have fun, take more spontaneous trips, and live in the moment.  

This time I’m not going to think twice. I am going to smash that cake in your face and lick it off.  I’m going to buy that bracelet that I’ve always wanted, but resisted because it’s totally overpriced.  I am going to show up in my PJ’s next time you invite me over for breakfast. I am going to pull you into that closet and kiss you like crazy. I am going to take that trip to Scotland that I’ve only dreamed about going on. Going somewhere? I want to come. Live out of state and want a houseguest let me know. I am going skydiving soon as the weather is nice. Who wants to take me shooting? Who wants to teach me to skateboard? Who wants to join me on a Safari? Some day I will make it to Africa till then I heard of a local one. Want to go? Or if you are going to Africa and have a whole trip planned count me in.  The next bull I see I’m going to ride it.  Where is that mistletoe? Let’s kiss.  

Enjoy every stage of life

Yes, I am single and proud of it. I am very blessed to not get sympathy stares from my family or friends. I don’t have a mother that nags me to give her a grandchild.  I went to the dentist the other day and when I told her I had left my husband she was so proud of me. She said she doesn’t know if she could do it. I was really surprised. The reason it took me so long to leave my ex was I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford to live on my own.  If I were a dentist with my own thriving practice I would have left a long time ago. It was interesting to hear her say she wasn’t sure she would have been brave enough to leave.

I’ve been to a many Singles Church events and surprised at how miserable some of these women and some men are that are single.  Some women really believe that their happiness hinges on having a ring on their finger. I’m sorry to break it to you but, marriage won’t bring you happiness.  Happiness comes from within. It has nothing to do with your marital status. Happy people come in all types: Married, widowed, divorced, and single. 

So, please don’t feel sorry for me. I choose to be single.  It was 110% my choice. If I wanted to be married I would be, but at this time I choose to be totally and utterly single. I’m not saying I’m always going to be single, but being single at this time was a very thought out decision for me.  I have no worries that I will find my knight in shining armor.  Till then I’m going to enjoy my life to the fullest. 

In addition some women are so baby hunger it’s scary. You may think I’m crazy, but I’ve worked very hard not to have a baby.  Having a baby doesn’t take much effort, but finding the right father for that baby and raising that child takes lots of skills.  I’m not worried about my so-called biological clock.  To be honest I am not hell bent on actually giving birth to my own kids. I’d be just as happy adopting or raising his kids.  There is an endless supply of children needing homes.

Just to recap, I am not anti-marriage or anti-having kids. I look forward to the day that I meet Mr. Right, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. All I’m saying is to enjoy whatever stage of life you are in.  Live every day like it’s your last.

To kiss or not to kiss

To kiss or not to kiss that is the question.  The Mistletoe is out in full force and the guys are on the prowl.  I think the men are all competing to see how many of us they can kiss before the end of the year. It’s so not fair. I really hate this double standard. It’s ok for men to kiss all the girls, but it’s not ok for girls to kiss all the men.  Why are we the sluts and they are the studs?  Why do they get to have all the fun?  It’s so not fair. I love kissing. But, because of this double standard I am not allowed to indulge in kissing.  To add to it there is the who thing of “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” I won’t go into details, just click here to read my previous blog post on that. So, for you girls that do decide to give out free kisses I suggest you play the game. Don’t kiss and tell. This way you can still get your grove on and you won’t acquire the reputation of a “kissing slut.”

For those of you that are curious to the history of mistletoe I did a little digging and found the following: Washington Irving, in "Christmas Eve," relates the typical festivities surrounding the Twelve Days of Christmas, including kissing under the mistletoe (Washington Irving, The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon, Gent). Irving continues his Christmas passage with a footnote: "The mistletoe is still hung up in farm-houses and kitchens at Christmas, and the young men have the privilege of kissing the girls under it, plucking each time a berry from the bush. When the berries are all plucked the privilege ceases."

In today’s society we have conveniently forgotten the part about plucking the berries thus the kissing never stops.  And as for you girls that do choose to kiss under the mistletoe just remember that to the guys, a kiss is only a kiss. There is no contract involved and for the most part they will take what they can get. I know it’s not the most pleasant thought, but we’ve got to deal with reality and not get caught up in the moment. So if you do choose to kiss under the mistletoe, enjoy it for what it is, a kiss.

The history of kissing under mistletoe goes back to ancient Scandinavian customs and the Norse myths. "It was also the plant of peace in Scandinavian antiquity. If enemies met by chance beneath it in a forest, they laid down their arms and maintained a truce until the next day." This ancient Scandinavian custom led to the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe. 

We are not a dime a dozen.

If you are Mormon and want a good laugh watch this video.  I’m not a regular YouTube watcher, but this one caught my eye and I found it funny enough to watch several times so I though I would share it.  It also makes for a good blog post. For those of you who aren’t Mormon let me clue you in, this is a parody of the girls at BYU. I went to BYU and wasn’t like this at all. I had two roommates that were engaged while I was there. Both of them dated their finances for at least a year before they got engaged; so don’t get the wrong idea.

For those of you that aren’t clued in to the ways of the world parodies and sarcastic remarks have some truth to them.  Thus I am dedicating this post to all the shy guys and to all the guys that are having a hard time getting their shit together life in order. You know who you are.  We love you, but we’re not waiting around forever.  On the other hand if you drop to one knee on the second date we will run for the hills.  So, yes there is a fine line when it comes to showing your intentions and scaring us off. What I’m saying is some of you guys need to get out there and date.  Show us you are interested.  Don’t get me wrong; we don’t want to be your finance or even your girlfriend.  We just want to go out on a date. It doesn’t have to be extravagant; we just want the chance to be alone with you so we can get to know you better.  We want to get to know the real you, not the you that you pretend to be when you are in a group.  We want to get to know the you behind the coat of armor that protects you from the world. The you if we married we would be spending time with.

You may have watched some of the other videos by BYU Divine Comedy and think we are a dime a dozen, but the reality is we aren’t.  Those of us who have our lives in order (have a college degree, can cook, clean, keep house, have our heads screwed, have a career/job, are independent and live on our own, can think for ourselves, have street smarts, have a strong testimony, severed a mission, are debt free, are drop dead gorgeous, young, healthy, full of life, fun, intelligent, social, have no kids) are few and far between.

The reality is we’re not going to wait around forever.  I did wait a long time for you then I married Mr. Wrong. All I’m saying is this time I’m not waiting around so long and you may not get another chance. I don’t plan on marrying Mr. Wrong again. So if you want to be my Mr. Right you’d better step up to the plate.  I’m not looking for perfect.  And don’t give me the excuse that you don’t think you can live up to my expectations. Let me be the judge.  I am the first to admit I am far from perfect, but two imperfect people, just may be perfect for each other. No, we can’t accomplish the impossible alone, but together we can overcome everything. We can climb the biggest mountains, go through giant hurdles, and survive the storms as a team.  A solo string can’t resist much pressure, but a giant rope can handle a lot.

The Compromise

Being single has its perks. If one group of your friends is doing something that doesn’t really interest you, there is a good possibility you can find another friend or group of friends that is doing something you consider more fun.  Now that I’m single weekends are so much more fun. I actually look forward to them. They are filled with things I like to do for the most part. Not 100% because I do have friends and we do compromise. I am not anti-compromising. I was just tired of the comprise being hanging out with wasted people.  They were nice. They would invite me to join in their drinking games and said I can drink soda if I wanted, but it’s just not very fun. I never got the jokes because when you are sober you don’t see the zombies chasing you.  And jokes have to actually be funny for sober people to laugh at them. Unlike drunk people, sober people don’t laugh uncontrollably at nothing.

The activities I’ve participated in since I have been single haven’t always been my first choice of things to do. On the other hand for the most part they still rate on the good, better, and best scale.  I have managed to opt out of the not fun at all activities I used to have to compromise on.

In addition I used to have such a hard time saying “no.” I used to be a pleaser. What every made him happy I would do.  I have finally gotten over that stage of my life. I am no longer a martyr. I now enjoy what I do.

Friendship Mystery

This past weekend my girlfriend got married.  The funny thing about it, I really don’t know her that well.  I was kind of surprised she invited me to her wedding.  We met back in August when I was looking for an apartment and became friends on line. We connected and began e-mailing back and forth a lot. We didn’t actually meet in person till October.   I was shocked that there weren’t more people helping prep for her wedding or helping out the day of her wedding.  Especially since so many people RSVP(ed) to her wedding and I know those people must know her better and be better friends with her then I am. Since we only met in person twice I don’t really know her friends or family so it was a nice opportunity to get to know those that love her so much better.  She has a really great family and friends.  I had a wonderful time working with them.

The thing that I don’t get was why weren’t there more people helping out. I know that there was a big single’s ball the night we were setting up, but I doubt all of her friends went to that or why didn’t a few skip it to help out.   I know we’re single and all, but from my experience I’ve never met a guy at a church dance before and hit it off so much that I gave him my number and we went out. Church dances seem to be so loud that it’s really tough to talk and get to know someone; the same goes with clubs and concerts.  But, maybe that’s me. I’m just not one to loosely give out my number. Actually to get my number you have to literally drag it out of me.  So if you refer back to “the look” post, I tend to give some people “the look” when they ask for my number.  I probably give them the look when they request for me to add them on facebook or when they ask for my last name. I am just a very cautious person.  In order for you to get any of my info my friends must know you and be able to vouch for you being a good guy.  If I can’t get a reference on you then sorry buddy, until we get to know each other better then it’s a no go.  If you really want to get to know me you’re going to have to track me down and hopefully you will be able to win over the trust of my friends and then maybe I will consider giving you the time of day.  That is just me, maybe other girls got the memo that their night in shining armor was going to show up to this event and so if they were going to meet him they’d better show up.

So, when she told me that she needed help prepping for her wedding the same day as the ball I had no problem not going to the ball and helping prep.  To sweeten the deal it didn’t hurt that I had a date in the afternoon prior to helping out.  So there was no love loss for me.

Even on the day of the wedding I was surprised more people didn’t show up in the morning to help. I have to admit I was an hour late to help out, but I was there and recruited others who were standing around to help. I have to say I am so glad I was there. It was so fun. There were three of us in the kitchen who played off each other so well that it was nonstop laughter. We laughed so much I think I even shed a tear or two.  Having a good day and making an event worth my time has a lot to do with how much we laughed. 

The Look

For those of you that didn’t get the memo: We are not in high school anymore.

Gossiping may be the biggest problem among singles groups. But I’ve recently discovered that the unspoken can cause just as many problems. Here are two examples of how not saying anything can cause problems.

A. The shy person who doesn’t talk.  I was surprised at how a shy person could possibly offend someone.  I always thought the offenders were the ones that put their foot in their mouth, but apparently not saying something can be just as offensive to some people.  Apparently if you are a shy guy who doesn’t talk to and/or ask girls out you may be thought of as being stuck up.  Really?! It’s hard to believe shyness is a crime.   Maybe you girls that are thinking this need to come back to earth and be a little nicer and sweeter and make the first move.  Instead of thinking about yourself, maybe you should talk a walk in his shoes.  For some guys coming to a singles event is a real challenge, especially if he is new in the church.  He isn’t used to being surrounded by beautiful women. He’s got a lot of pressure on him.

And it’s not just the girls that are getting offended by the shy guy it’s other guys. I don’t see how this is possible, but it is.  Apparently when the outgoing guy walks up to the shy guy the outgoing guy expects the shy guy to welcome him with open arms.  When the shy guy stands there dumbfounded it’s not that he’s stuck up, or that he doesn’t want to be your best friend, the problem is he’s shy. There is a good possibility you caught him off guard and it’s no different if you are a guy or a girl he is just lost for words.

B. The look.  Apparently many people are offended or think someone doesn’t like them because they give them “the look” I’m not sure what “The look” is, but I overheard some people the other day saying “I thought she hated me because she gave me the look.”  Last week I was talking to a guy and he said he didn’t like another guy because he gave him the look. Really! We all need to stop assuming. How do you know that look was even intended for you? I’m pretty sure the two of you weren’t alone in a room together and person A gave person B a look. Because if that happened, I’d hope that person B would ask person A what that was for.  My guess Person A wasn’t even looking at person B and or Person A was unaware of the look they were giving person B.

Yesterday I found out I’ve got lots of looks. According to my girlfriend she has witnessed me giving guys the look of death, the I hate you look, and the I’m annoyed.  I honestly can’t recall consciously making any of those looks.  Apparently I have way too many facial expressions for my own good.  So I am apologizing now if I may have offended you with giving you the look.  My face seems to have a mind of it’s own. 

Everyone please stop assuming, because you are making an ass out of yourself.  Let’s all stop being so petty and play nice.

Go Fish

Sometimes I think my life is pretty crappy, then I talk to my friends realize my life is a bowl of cherries.  My girlfriends couldn't have gotten dealt a worse hand?  I wish I could do something to make their lives easier, better, happier. I wish there was someway I could remove their pain and struggles. Why can't life be like the game go fish?

It’s not fair that my friend’s husband is about to croak any minute and she’s going to have her breast removed Monday.

It’s not fair that my other girlfriend’s husband beats her and she won’t leave because of her son.

It’s not fair that my other friend’s stepson is the teenager from hell.  He seemed so cute and sweet when they got married.

It’s not fair that my other friend’s mother is sick and she is the only one available to care for her.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can provide the necessities of life.  If I won the lottery I wouldn’t buy the fancy house or car. Instead I would provide housing for my girlfriends that feel trapped, pay for my other girlfriends that are struggling to get their education, and I would provide the much needed care for my friends husband, her care when she gets out of the hospital and care for my friend’s mother.

Affection

One would think since I was married I would be comfortable receiving physical affection. I haven’t talked to any divorced people about this but I would bet that with any failed marriage there wasn’t a lot of affection shared in that marriage especially near the end.  I just can’t imagine a very loving affectionate couple just splitting up. Most marriages that end in divorce deteriorate over time and one of the main things to go is physical affection. If there is no emotional and spiritual closeness then there is a good possibility they won’t want to be physically close either.  For me it was years since I shared physical affection with my ex-husband.  I used to be a very cuddly person, but he trained me to sleep on my side of the bed. For years he’d complain he was too hot and would push me away till I learned to not even try and to cling to my side of the bed.  I can’t recall the last time we cuddled up to watch a movie together or made out.  (We must of when we were first dating, but I honesty can’t recall the last time we did.)   It wasn’t because I didn’t try; he just didn’t want to be close to me. 

The only time he would show affection was in public when we were with friends. (Actually it wasn’t affection because if you look in the dictionary affection is an outward expression of love and caring for someone. I know everyone has their own love language, but it’s hard to imagine his actions had any love in them.) He’d grope me in front of our friends. It was embarrassing to me and our friends.   I talked to my girlfriend and she was shocked to hear that what she witnessed was all for show. When we were alone he didn’t act like that at all. He rarely touched me when we were alone. And when he touched me he would usually poke me like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I hated it and told him so, but he didn’t care. It doesn’t matter how many times I protested he continued.  It got so bad that when ever he touched me in any way I would flinch.   Over time I blocked out of my mind the cause of my flinching and for years had no idea why I was flinching. I seriously thought there was something wrong with me.

Being single and feeing awkward receiving affection is a Catch-22.  Some guys probably think I don’t like them because I don’t like being close and tend to pull away.  Coming out of an abusive relationship tends to make people kind of jumpy and skeptical of people’s intentions. I’m not saying I will never feel comfortable receiving affection, all I’m saying is it will take time.  To add to it one day I may appear comfortable as I try to be comfortable, but in reality I’m not comfortable at all, but trying to work at being comfortable. “I’m not comfortable, but don’t know how to say something because I’m afraid to hurt someone’s feelings.” I know that really doesn’t make sense. All I can say is it’s complicated. 

God’s Gift To Women

If you are God’s Gift To Women then I am God’s Gift To Men.  That being the case we should hook up and make God some little gifts. 

Let me tell you, “You Ain’t all that.” I know it may be shocking, but that’s the truth. You aren’t the first one that has told me that you’re all that. My first husband tried winning me back telling me that. He said “You aren’t going to do better then me.” Well, as you can see that didn’t work. He became my first ex-husband.  And let me tell you I did much better then him. My second husband was 100 times better then my first, but as you know he wasn’t all that because he became my second ex-husband.  

Since I entered the Mid-Singles church scene I have been told by multiple men that they are the cream of the crop and I’m not going to find a better guy them.  They can’t all be the best so someone is lying.   The first guy who told me that tried to trick me into marrying him and let me tell you he wasn’t all that.  So be warned girls, you can do better, much better.  I used to think because of all my issues I don’t deserve anything, but later I realize I deserve the best. I really do have a lot to offer. As I said before I am the full package. To read that blog post click here.

I have met some men on the other end of the spectrum. They have told me that they didn’t believe they could ever live up to my expectations. 

Now the quest is to find a man in the middle. Either that or ground some of the men who’s heads are too big for their britches and elevate the men who don’t feel like they can fulfill my dreams.