Home: A safe haven

It’s Thursday afternoon. Only an hour left at work. I have mixed feelings about leaving work. I want to go home, but am at a loss as I don’t feel like I have a home I can go to.  When I think of the word “HOME” I think of a safe haven from the world. A place we can be protected from the evils of the world, the outside stresses.  A safe place.

Only one more night and then I’m off to house sit again for a few days at my ex-husband’s house.   It’s not my home anymore, but it feels more like home then my home.  It’s so ironic. A place at one time I hated now is a place I love.

I look forward to a weekend away from my home. A place where I can just walk in plop down on the couch and be showered by love by my pooch. No talking just licks of love and a very waggy tail.  I smile every time I see my little girl all happy and excited, jumping around and wagging her tail.  It brings joy to my life to see her so happy. I wish I was her at times.

I miss my stair stepper. I miss working out at night. Hopefully he will be gone at the temple or busy studying and I will be able to jump on the stair stepper and get a little work out in while I watch some TV.

The sad thing is I look forward to bedtime. 8hrs of solace filled with sleep to pass the time. 8hrs that I don’t have to think, worry, and be scard. 8 worry free hours of my day.  It’s tough working full time. I feel like I have no time for fun. When I get out of work I have no where to go where I can just decompress and relax. I feel like I have to be on guard all day long.  I can never just let my guard down and relax.

Last night I survived by watching tv. Something to distract me from the pain that I am in.  I also took my dog for a walk and talked on the phone to my mom.

I have such a hard time these days focusing at work.

I’m supposed to be on a gluten, dairy, soy free diet, but I’m so tired.  Being on a strict diet like this means preparing all of your own meals and right now I just don’t have the time or energy.  Eating to me is such a chore. Something that takes time away from other things.