If you needed to score me at work I’d get a Zero for micro-managing my coworker and a 10 for job security. I have been reassured by this that I really am indispensible. I’ve been working with my boss a number of years now trying to sort and organize his family photos and the in box always seems to be overflowing faster then I can sort them. Well, after seeing me always underwater and him needing more help with just day to day stuff he hired another girl. She drives him around, takes him to his appointments and works with him and his wife around the house. In addition she has been taking over much of the photo organization and I’ve been helping out more publishing books, organizing work pictures and documents, assisting with legal matters, keeping the family connected, and just answering odd questions they both seem to come up with. I’ve been loving this new arrangement. That was until last week when I realized she was way over her head in organizing photos. I gave her simple instructions on what to do and I’d look over her shoulder occasionally to see how it’s going. Last week she brought to my attention an ongoing issues and I finally decided to really look into what is going on. Well, to my dismay we have a 6,000 picture problem. I’m not sure exactly what went wrong between me giving instructions and her following them, and I don’t even think she knows what’s been going on, but we’ve got a major problem on our hands. I went to the apple store on Friday and spent 2 and a half hours brain storming with experts on the best way to resolve it. And we figured out the best way to fix it, but it’s very time consuming and even when it is done I’m not sure how I’m going to prevent her from doing the same thing again. I really thought my instructions were so easy to follow, but I am learning that with the ease of working with a computer and the dragging of dropping things, accidents happen with out you even knowing it. Like last week. She had a ton of albums with missing pictures and I found over 1,000 pictures in her trashcan. I was able to fix it quickly, but that is a very large mistake.
I’m not really sure what to do once I resolve the issue at hand. The guarantee to keep it from getting messed up again would be to take the job back from her, but that still leaves the issue that there is only one of me and there is no way I can do what I’ve been doing and do this too. And to be honest I’ve been really enjoying the other stuff I do. Thus, I need to work better at my management skills and figure out how to micromanager her with out driving myself crazy. I’m such an independent person and just assume that everyone else can be just as independent.
On the other hand if you ask some of my husbands they would probably say I was a great micro-manager. And I have to admit. I did micro-manage at times when I felt people are incompetent in the task or I just knew a better more efficient way to do something. I’ve been reading: “For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men.” And have realized that I’ve made some major mistakes in that area and need to change. First off I think I’ll make life easier on myself and get involved with older, wiser, more competent men. Then from there I’ll work on supporting them more and not questing their judgment. Don’t worry I won’t just trust them blindly, I will watch and evaluate them and make sure they make good judgment calls then over time I will learn to trust them. I really do look forward to passing on the burden that I have carried so long to do it myself.
From reading this book. I am learning that there are a lot of things I can do and say differently to show the men in my life respect and love. I think of my current husband and how he told me many times how much he felt disrespected by the things that I did and said. And I can see how I was wrong in those areas. At the same time. Even if I did make those changes now to show him respect, I have no interest in putting myself back in a bad situation. I never blamed him 100% from our failed marriage and from reading this book I can see how many things I could have said differently. And in the future will. Thus said it doesn’t make up for the way he treated me. From attending classes at Weave I know that even if I made these changes he would still be the abusive husband he is. His issues stemmed deeper then just the way I spoke to him. I have learned that I can’t excuse his behavior due to his addiction or his out of control OCD & ADD. It is so easy to blame things on mental health or an addiction, but WEAVE has taught me that there is something that lies deeper in him that makes him abusive. So even if he were to give up his addiction and get his ADD & OCD under control he will still be abusive.
I’m not saying that he’s hopeless, but I am saying that I am not going to let myself be abused in hopes that I can help him become the man I know he has potential to be. His parents saw me as a strong independent women and thought I was going to be his savior and they would be released from the burden of caring for him. I am thankful for Jesus Christ for sacrificing his life for us and I have no interested in saying that I am better then God him self and can take on that burden and responsibility. Thus said it will be up to Randy to make the changes in his own life if he so desires. I on the other hand am busy working on me. Bettering myself so I can be the amazing wife I know I can be for the next husband who deserves me. I know I am on the right path as Josh has told me many times how amazing of a wife and friend I am and have been. That coming from an ex is quite a compliment. I’m on the right track and becoming a better person everyday.
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