Many single flakes make a snow storm

Jan 28, 2012 Backside of Kirkwood

It’s not like anything dramatic has happened in the last day, but starting last night I was feeling quite emotional and then this morning I was not in any mood to get out of bed and was on the verge of tears. Maybe it’s PMS. I really wish I had regular cycles and could keep track of this. It would make my life so much easier. I wouldn’t be less emotional, but at least I could figure out if something were really wrong or if it’s just out of whack hormones.

On the other hand it could just be everything building up.

Car:  Last week I took my car in to get an oil changed and was as happy as one can be to make the time sort of to take it in before work and use a coupon.  Well a $17 chore turned out to be a few hundred dollar activity as they informed me that I needed to repair this and that. Well, that didn’t make me very happy as it’s just not in my budget right now. But, as I value my car and I have a need for reliable transportation I had the work done.  That was after I sat in the shop called around and found the best deals in town and then negotiated for them to match the price. The ended up dropping me off at work and then picking me up when it was done. To my dismay when they picked me up they informed me that I needed more work done. But, I had a good month or two to get it done. I got a quote and then called up my usual mechanic and got a quote from him hoping that he’d give me a better deal, but not such luck. They were about even.  Well in the end I brought my car back on Tuesday, negotiated with them till we settled on an ok price. Of course it was much more then I wanted to pay as all I had intended to be spending on my car was $17 for an oil change. But, at least it was a bit lower then they initially quoted so that is now done. When I picked my car up they said there wasn’t anything else they could see. Good, because I’m not sure how I’d juggle any more expenses.

Nutritionist: Over the past 2 weeks I’ve been looking at the cost of supplements I’ve taking and they are outrageous. I spent 2 Saturdays ago on Amazon and the net trying to find better deals then my nutritionist was offering and found some. I tried to get her to give me a discount, but no such luck so I’ve started ordering refills from Amazon and then net. I also questioned her about one of my supplements as it said it had rice in it and I’m supposedly allergic to rice. Well come to find out I shouldn’t be taken that one and there are 2 others that she had prescribed. That really annoyed me. It really makes me lose faith in her ability.  As this is effecting my health and I’m spending so much on it. So I’ve been quite annoyed about this. I try not to dwell on it as I can’t do anything about it, but I really wonder if I’m just wasting my time and money here.  And am I really allergic to these foods and how are they really effecting me. It kind of makes me want to throw in the towel.  I need to make some time and seek out another opinion. Hopefully I can get my doctor to do a second test to find out if I really have Celiac Disease or not.  Hopefully they will be more helpful this time.  So this has been on my mind.

Physical Pain: So after a two week ordeal part of me is feeling better, but it really took a toll on me. I just don’t do well with high amounts of stress, constant headaches, being tired and physical pain. So that one issue went away, but then this past Saturday I went snowboarding and got a bit beat up. I can account for the head/neck pain due to hitting my head really hard after getting off the ski lift. The sad thing is I have no idea what went wrong.  All I remember is lying on the ground face up the wrong way with the medic looking down at me asking if I’m ok.  The pain I feel on my right side when I breath, laugh, and lie down I have no idea where that came from. When we got back to our meeting place on Sat my side was hurting and I thought maybe it was indigestion or something, but by nighttime it got worse and when I went to lie down for bed I was in horrible pain.   It’s gotten better or the combinations of ibuprofen and Tylenol is working when I take it, which I don’t always take due to I hate taking drugs, but am being more constant as I can’t deal with the pain anymore.  And to add to my Snowboarding experience this weekend. We took a run on the backside of Kirkwood .The snow was better, but I give them a zero for trail marking. I don’t know how we did it, but we managed to not be able to locate 99% of the groomed trails.  As we took the lift up we looked down and made comments as to why in the world people were boarding amongst the trees, cliffs, rocks, and moguls.  Well, after making our way down the mountain we now know why. They must have been as lost as we were. The sad thing is I didn’t get beat up while doing that. I managed to board through the trees, around the rocks, stumps, and avoid the cliffs. It was the groomed trails that I took the most falls as I was practicing my turning at high speeds. My confidents got the best of me as I whipped out way too many times to count as I caught an edge on the uneven crunchy snow.  At least I can say I have now experienced all terrains.

Work: Is going ok. Nothing much new to report there. I’m happy to report that I’ve been working and getting paid.

Roommate: Things are going well there. It’s been kind of rough these past weeks. He just got a new job so he’s a bit stressed about that and has been working late trying to get stuff done. In addition on Monday he started working longer days so he can get every other Friday off so he gets home later and it takes him longer to wind down. That is a bit frustrating for both of us as our routine is off kilter.  He’s got this Friday off so I can’t wait as he should be relaxed when I get home and it will make for a good night and a good weekend.

Taxes: I’ve been dreading taxes all year as when I started my job last year I talked to my girlfriend who is an accountant and we figured out how much my taxes would be and it wasn’t pretty and there has been no away to get around it.  This next year will be better due to on Jan 1 2012 I was put on the payroll and taxes are being pulled out each check. But, this year isn’t going to be pretty. I’ve been waiting anxiously for my 1099 to arrive and it finally did this week. And I thank God that my girlfriend who does taxes for a living will be helping me Saturday. I attempted to figure them out on my own and got nowhere. It’s just over my head.  On the other hand I also feel guiltily to ask her as I’ve been a horrible friend and haven’t kept in touch with her since I got married in May.  I really need to keep up with my friends. I love seeing my friends and spending time with them, but it’s just been hard these past few months.  My energy level is just drained and to add just one more thing to my to do list is just too much.

Divorce: It’s still not done yet. I got something in the mail this week so I don’t think it’s going to be rejected but who knows. I hate having to interact with Randy. It just makes me anxious.  And just having to deal with trying to get it processed just reminds me of the money I wasted and I’m still not over that. Especially when everything seems to cost more then anticipated. My car, my nutritionist, my many doctor’s visits lately, taxes, lawyers, and the divorce in general. It’s a constant remainder that I spent all my money on an investment gone bad. I'm not feeling very confident about this divorce going through. I just checked my credit card statement and see a refund from the Superior Court. I've feeling quite anxious now as why would the court system actually refund me money. Not a lot, just a small fee I had to pay to turn in yet another document, but still who heard of a court system giving a refund?! I just want this to be over. I now see why people vow never to get married again.  I'm trying my best not to bug Josh everyday and ask him if anything has arrived for me yet. It's not easy. But, I'm doing pretty good as he's really good at checking the mail and calling me. Yes, I have everything going to his house as that is where I was living when I started the process and once you start you can't change your address.

Allergies: Juggling in allergy shots has been a challenge. It’s tough to get all the way to the office with out taking time off work.  And just being so tired all the time and having constant headaches isn’t helping me to be happy and perky. I think it’s due to allergies, but who really knows. My allergist is hoping that the shots will elevate it, but isn’t sure. He’s got some other ideas of things that may help, but doesn’t want to change too many variables at once. And the reality is I’ve been changing a million variables as you can see so it’s hard to tell what is the cause of effect of anything in my life these days.

New Job: Can’t forget this one. I feel horribly guilty for not calling up this guy my girlfriend’s husband put me in touch with so we can meet and he can assist me in getting a state job, but I just can’t add this to my plate right now. I know I’m passing up an amazing opportunity and hopefully I’ll have the mental ability to do it very very soon, but I’m not sure. At them moment I feel like I’m on the verge of tears and just can’t deal with one more thing, good or bad right now.  Logically I know I should be applying for a new job, but at the same time I’m getting to know myself and what I can take and mentally and I just don’t have it in me to add this one more stress into my life. I have a job so it’s not like this is a do or die like some people. Rent will still be paid if I don’t get a new job. I will still have insurance and I will still be able to afford food and gas. So the necessities are taken care of. On the other hand a new job will make for a better future. On the other hand if you read my last blog, my next career is to be a mom so do I really need a new job?!  I think I’m ready to just being taken care of.

Thus said maybe I do have a reason to be a little stressed, overwhelmed and a bit emotional. It’s not one big it’s just a million little things and like a single snow flake. It isn’t much, but when you have a few million of them they make a storm.