Don’t be so quick to judge the raving lunatic person. Trust me no one is born mad. Something drove
them to it. I know because I was that person that flipped out on the camping
trip. I was the one that appeared to go
crazy over nothing. What you don’t know
is why I lost my cool. You thought getting my boyfriend plastered and watching
him stumble and fall all over was funny. When I took his 3rd Patron
shot away (after he had already drank numerous screw drivers you laughed at me
and gave him another.
What they didn’t know is when he gets drunk he treats me
like crap. I had already endured 6 month
of his mean comments and I guess I had finally had enough and snapped. I guess
I was living in a fantasy world thinking that things would be different on the
camping trip and get better with him. That it would be fun to go camping with
friends. I left that camping trip a smarter woman. Those people are not my
friends and I don’t plan on associating with them again. And since they are his
“friends,” people he chooses to hang out with I will live with my reputation as
the Raving Lunatic and not tell them the why.
For 9 months I have been asked almost nightly “Are you
getting fat?” and other not so flattering and sometimes crude questions and having
my gray hairs pulled out one by one, and some other things we won't mention here.
He’s not all evil, no one is. He’s taken good care of me
when he’s sober. He cooks dinners for me and creates his own marinades that I
can eat. He goes out of his way to buy things when he’s shopping that I can
eat. He comforts me and holds me when I’m crying. I have been quite ill since I moved in and he
has taken care of me and I guess due to those circumstances I didn’t see or
realize how his behavior would be characterized as abusive according to the
battered women’s class I took after I left Randy. The sad thing I traded worse
for bad. It was better then what I had, but still not well.
You’d think I would have learned something in that class and
not gotten myself into this type of situations again. The only thing I can guess is due to me being
so sick I just didn’t see it or have the strength to do anything about it until
now. I’m still exhausted and burnt out. I
have spent the past too many years giving 200% of myself and living on an empty
bucket. Somehow I need to refuel and
adapt to caring for myself and working full time. I still haven’t adjusted to
that. There just isn’t enough time in the day to do it all.
So, there you got it. The Raving Lunatic isn’t so mad after
all. She just can only handle so much
before she pops.
(Sorry for two not so pleasant posts. Hopefully the next one will be more uplifting, funny, and happy.)
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