Not your typical divorced Chick.

Yes, I was married twice to two abusive men, the second was also an alcoholic, but I don’t blame them both for why we got divorced. If I had my shit together in the first place I wouldn’t of married either of them and because I got  more of it together I divorced them.   It was my idea to marry and it was I who filed for divorce twice. I admit it I married for all the wrong reasons. I married to get out of bad situations, thinking that “the grass is greener on the other side,” and I was wrong. I think I’ve learned my lesson, only time will tell. My plan now is when I get married to get married because I want to spend eternity with that person and not to just do it to get out of a crappy situation.

So after less then a week of marriage to husband #1 he hit me. I should have gotten out then, but I was scared. At least with that one it was obvious he was abusive and I did get out after 6 months. And for the juicy stuff he's now a girl, you heard it right a girl. I knew he had issues when we got married, but I had no idea they were that intense. 

Husband #2 is both an alcoholic and abusive.  Due to my low self-esteem it took me till this last year to realize he was both an  alcoholic and abusive. I was too busy blaming myself for every problem in our marriage that I was blinded. Most of my regrets in this marriage is about me and what I did or didn’t do.  I regret letting him abuse me like he did. I should have fought back like Ziva does with men in NCIS. I love her character. I wish I was more like her in that way, she doesn’t let any man touch her inappropriately.

I also regret being the martyr. I learned that horrible trait from my mother. I haven’t totally gotten over it but, I’m 110% better.

I regret living my life and doing everything to please him thinking he would live his life to please me. Somehow I learned that lesson wrong in Sunday School, for some reason that was how I thought it was suppose to be, you live and learn.

I regret talking over all the household duties. I figured since he worked all day I would make our house an oasis for him.  I set it up so when he got home he didn’t  have to lift a finger, no yard work, home repairs, etc. That was a big mistake. In doing so I took away his ability to bond with other men. As much as men like to bitch and complain about mowing the lawn each week, it’s part of their manhood and I regret taking that away.  Also by doing all the work around the house caused him to never to grow up and take responsibility. He continued to live as a bachelor, clubbing, going to concerts, and getting wasted on the weekends.  I don’t drink so after paying my dues as his dutiful wife and attending clubs and bars with him I stopped going and he found others to attend with him. 

The good part of it is I know how to care for a house. I know how to install a drip system, convert sprinklers to drip lines, I know all about landscaping, how to put a new dual-valve water valve in the fridge, how to redo the inside of a toilet, how to take apart the kitchen sink and unclog the garbage disposal, how to re-pipe the bathroom sink, how to build a 12ft arbor, how build a pond (12ftx6ftx3ft), how to install a dog door in the wall, how to clean the dryer vent, how to install a ceiling fan, how to build a retaining wall, how to re-caulk a sink, how to install a sliding glass shower door, how to build a deck, etc.

I can go on with a list of my mistakes, but you get the point. I have no problem the blame.  I do not take the blame for him abusing me, that was all on them. There was nothing that I did that was bad enough for me to deserve that.  From what I have seen most divorced people are bitter and hate the opposite sex. That is not me, I still have hope that I will find my dream man.