My boss is 77 and is his health is rapidly deteriorating. He stopped driving last August. His memory is going and he has a hard time articulating what he wants. I try to be understanding as I know he is very frustrated with himself. What makes it so bad is he expects me to understands what he wants and to read his mind. Unless I can do that there is no way I’m getting a raise. As much as I hate discussing pay I have brought it up several times. At first he agreed to give me a raise then changed his mind and said before I do so I need to be more like Rita. I need to be able to read his mind like Rita did. Rita was his secretary when he had his construction business around 20 years ago. There is just no way I can compete with his memory of her. Was she that great? I’ll never know, but what matters is he thought she was that great. It doesn’t matter that the business is different or he is different now he expects me to be her and I can’t. It is times like this that I wonder why I keep my job. I keep my job because I know that finding a new job will be difficult. For now I have a sort of steady income and I am able to sort of support my self. If I find another job who knows how long it will last. I don’t want to regret giving up a good job and living with regret. With my life being as chaotic and stressful as it has been lately I really don’t want to create any undue stress. I look at my mom who has the same if not more qualifications then I have and she’s been in and out of jobs since 2008. Soon as she finds one and gets settled in it seems like she gets let go. There is no way I could survive with out a steady income for that long. I also refuse to move back home with Mom and Dad.
I had this great idea in 2009 that I was going to write this book and sell it and live off of the proceeds, but that hasn’t happened. The book still has a long way to go. I keep putting it off along with joining a gym.
I just read a blog by one of my fellow bloggers and came across this post Click here to read it. This kind of sums up why I keep my job. It's all because Money Does Matter. I know money does not buy happiness, but it does as my fellow blogger put it provides for a full tummy and warm and dry place to lay your head at night. My career isn't turing out like I planned, but at least I don't have to worry about being hungry or homeless. In addition my job does provide me with flexibility, which has it's pros and cons. The pro was I was able to leave last week at a moments notice to see my dad while he was in the hospital and was able to spend a week at my parents house with out any worry that I'd loose my job.
So here I am working in a dead in job and never quite living up to my boss’s expectations. When I do something well I get great praise and feel like a success and then there are times like these that I feel like a complete failure.
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