There is FB official & then there is gov't official. My name once again matches my birth certificate according to the DMV & Social Security Office and I officially have a new address. It seems so real now. I have some mixed feelings. It’s weird to think that I moved 3 times and ended up back in the same place and thus didn’t have to update the DMV as my new address as it once again matched my driver’s license. Now it’s official, the driver’s license has been update; I have a new/old name with a new permanent address. It’s so weird to think after 9 years I’ve got to learn a new name and new signature. It think it took me 4 times at the DMV to get it signed just right and even after I said Ok I was still a bit nervous about it all. It’s so weird to think that I’ve been married 3 times and this is the only time I’ve changed my name. In a way it’s kind of as if those other two marriages really didn’t count. I say that because the other day I was totting a Costco size pack of toilet paper out of my car and I made the comment to my roommate’s friend that I’m not used to being single yet. He asked me how long I was married and I said 7 years. Hopefully he doesn’t ask more questions, as he’ll be really confused, as he knows I’m going through a divorce. He just doesn’t know which one.
This has been a very busy month. Everything is all of a sudden falling into place and happening all at once. I received the paperwork back from Randy today so I’ll be meeting with the lawyer tomorrow and hopefully turning it in. Then I get to anxiously wait 3 months and cross my fingers and pray real hard that it will be processed and not kicked back due to missing paperwork. Then it will be another month and a half wait till I’m legally single again. It sucks that we were together less then 3 months and it will take a whole 8 months or longer to rid him of my life forever. If only it were that simple. I have realized that once you marry someone or enter into a relationship with them even if you two split up it’s not that easy to just move on. It’s like a glass that shatters, you can mend it with super glue, but it will never go back to how it used to be, and those scares will remain for life. Maybe not so bright, but they will still be there.
Randy has this idea that our relationship didn’t mean anything to me and sent me an antagonizing text the other day trying to get me to prove to him that he’s wrong in his thinking. This is how he operates. He loves accusing me of things and telling me how I feel and then wants me to argue with him and prove to him that what he thinks and believes is wrong. That may work with his mom, who holds unconditional love for him, but I am not going to be bullied like that. I don’t have the time, energy, or interest to argue with him. I am not going to be sucked into his sick games anymore. I know the truth and I don’t need to prove it. He just doesn’t get that if our relationship didn’t mean so much to me I wouldn’t have invested so much time, money, and energy to try to get it work. I wouldn’t have been an emotional wreck paying over $200 a week in therapy just to keep going during our marriage. It’s amazing after I left how much better I am. My therapist said to call if I need anything and didn’t request weekly sessions anymore. Now I’m in weekly classes at WEAVE and that is going really well. It’s really helped to put in perspective how the way Randy treated me was unhealthy and not normal. It’s amazing in how being with someone such a short time can affect you. I will never be that same naïve person I was when I met Randy. He changed my life.
I have to say I like the new improved model of me and my roommate is enjoying it too. I am a much happier healthier person after all that therapy and the Weave classes are helping me to progress. Along with my new diet. I have a very bright future to look towards.
No comments:
Post a Comment