My roommate spoils me & I'm loving it.

Nov 21, 2011
 Snowboarding with my roommate

My roommate spoils me and I love it.  I’m hoping it’s not just because I’m novelty.  I guess time will tell. Josh spoiled me for about 3 months then my novelty must have worn off.

The other day my roommate went shopping and came back with some chocolate milk I could actually drink and some sparkling cider. I find it so sweet that he is going out of his way to expand my diet. I’m really impressed that he’s spending the time to read the fine print of labels.

Life isn’t all peaches and cream either. Both of us do have bad days and come home grouchy sometimes, but neither of us takes how the other is feeling is personally. It’s so refreshing from living with Randy. After all that Randy put me through I became very depressed and he then was mad at me all the time because I was depressed and took it so personally. The reality was the circumstances did trigger my depression, but I was also depressed due to how I internalized what was happening to me.  It’s not easy for me to not let myself get dragged/sucked into someone’s dysfunctional life. That happened yesterday. I was thoroughly pissed off, by the end of the day after spending way too long texting back and forth with Randy about a form I needed to file our divorce paperwork. What I should have done is not let him suck me into an argument and just ignore his texts, but I didn’t. I let my self get sucked into his need to argue.  I was smart enough not to answer the phone when his mom called me and by the time I got home I finally put my phone down, didn’t look at it and did as my roommate advised and just sat down and decompressed. He did his thing and I did mine and then we reconvened in a hour or two and made dinner, had a relaxing evening and then went to be early.

Looking back I recall reading in a book that people with ADD have this need to provoke arguments. They need simulation and thus create it.  Randy said his dad used to do it all the time.   I have tons of e-mails and texts from Randy where he is trying to provoke me, some I responded to and others I just ignored.  In the end I ignored more because I could see what he was doing and how unhealthy it was.  But still now sometimes I get sucked back in like yesterday.

Now living with my roommate I am seeing that everyone expresses their anger and frustration in different ways. It is helping me to learn new healthier ways to deal with having a bad day.  So far I’m really enjoying this new environment. When I moved out of Randy’s and into Josh’s I moved out of one type of hostile environment into a different environment, things were going really well for several months, for the most part, as everything is in comparison.  In addition I was used to dealing with Josh’s anger and knew how to deflect it or avoid it, now moving out of there. I am realizing that living at Josh’s was better then Randy’s but still not the best environment for me to thrive in. I’m not saying this to bash Josh, as I love him very much and he’s my best friend, but I’m thinking about my own personal growth and development. I need to be in an environment I can thrive in and not just one I know how to work with.

My roommate and I have had dinner together nearly every night. He’s totally on board with my special diet and all the things we cook together I can eat. On Sunday we had filet mignon with asparagus.   It was amazing. Eating with my roommate reminds me of all the amazing food I used to eat on cruises.  I was beginning to wish I could go on a cruise, but now I’m becoming at peace with eating at home.  Because the reality is if I went on a cruise now I wouldn’t be able to indulge in some of my favorite foods due to you never quite know what they put in anything. Last night we had shrimp, tilapia, asparagus, and mushrooms. It was amazing.  It’s a good thing both love onions, garlic and pepper because they are a main staple of our seasoning.

It’s taken years, but I finally look forward to coming home and hanging out with the person I’m living with.  It’s so refreshing to want to come home and interact with someone and not wish they had to work late or are out with friends. At the same time it’s quite an adjustment. I hope he doesn’t get sick of me hanging around all of the time. And it’s not all the time either. I do keep busy at work for 8 hours a day, have errands to run, classes to take, appointments to get to, and friends I enjoy spending time with so it’s not like I’m that annoying clingy person. I do have a very busy and full life.