Day 13-A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Friend,

Let me start off with the preface is I am not the same person I was yesterday, last week, last month, last year, or 7 years ago.  Life has thrown me many curve balls and I have grown, matured, and over the years have altered my ways of thinking. As you have realized all of us have grown up in different families and different environments. We have learned many valuable lessons as children and many things have been engrained into our minds as this is way things should be done.   

I was taught as a child to be quick to forgive, forget, and not to hold a grudge.  This is a very noble thing to do and I commend those that do it. Unfortunately I had mastered this trait all too well and in the end I believe it caused me undue pain in my life. I am not sure if pain in the right word, but it caused me be in a bad situation longer then necessary.  Some of you know exactly what I am referring to and others of you may feel like lost and are unable to see where this is going. What I am referring to is the things I put up with my ex-husband.  I think my being so quick to forgive and forget prevented me from either putting my foot down and refusing to let him continue his behavior or it prevented me from getting out of the situation earlier.

The moral of the story is I am no longer so quick to forgive and forget.  So, don't be offended when you say "I'm sorry" and I don't say "it's ok," because unless it's a minor incident it's probably not ok. And why should I lie to you and tell you "it's ok" when it's really not?  Lying won't help either of us. I'm very hurt by what you did or said. You have really wounded me. Compare you hurting me and saying "I'm sorry" to a mother who's child comes to them with a bleeding finger.  All they can do is wash the wound and put a bandaid on it. They can also kiss away the tears and sooth the child, but they are no angel and are unable to heal the physical wound immediately. It will take time to heal the flesh wound.  So as much as I want to really believe you and accept your forgiveness I can't immediately. It will take time.  I have learned the hard way that for some "I'm sorry" is more of a automatic response then a heart felt acknowledgement that you have wronged a person and have vowed to make the necessary changes to really be sorry for your actions.

I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you didn't come into my life earlier, at a time when I was able to accept an apology at the drop of a hat.  It wasn't so long ago that I would have jumped at the opportunity to welcome you back to the fold with open arms. Now I'm a bit skeptical. But, don't feel bad. This can be a good thing.  This will get you really to think about what you do and say before you do it knowing that it's not so easy to get back into my good graces. Maybe this will make you a better person.  There always has to an upside to everything.  And it's not like I will never forgive it will just take time. (Think about it like repentance. See Isaiah 1:18 "....though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.") It may be a longer journey then you expected, but on the other hand if you didn't do/say what you did you wouldn't be in this predicament, now would you?

So, be patient with me and I will be patient with you.

Remember I love you.

Love,

Me