I have to say I had a really good night last night. I ran a few errands after work, got to talk to my girlfriend on the phone, and then came home and my roommate and I made a nice dinner together. I have to say I love it when he gets home before me. It makes for a much calmer environment, as there is just one of us running around putting stuff away and getting settled in from a long day at work.
Over dinner we talked about our day and I told him about my conversation with my girlfriend. She thinks due to this and that my hormones are just out of whack and it will probably take a month for them to get back into rhythm. When she told me that, I wasn’t so happy. I’m not sure if I can deal being an emotional basket case for a month. My roommate on the other hand was optimistic. He said as long as I let him know what’s going on and how I’m feeling and don’t give him the typical response of “I’m Fine” that we all give at times, but how we say it the other person knows that we are far from fine. Then things will be ok. He said like yesterday morning. I sat up in bed and just sat there for like 10 minutes not doing anything. This is not very normal for me. (Usually when the alarm goes off I race for the shower so not to end up with a cold shower. Apparently we both like taking real hot showers so when there are two showers running if we aren’t quick one of us will end up having to finish up quick because it starts to get cold. We learned this the hard way when I first moved in so now when the alarm goes off we both race for our showers. ) But, he figured I was just tired and taking a long time to wake up. He asked me if I slept well, assuming that was the issues. I thought about it a min and said. I slept fine that I’m aware of I only got up once, which is good for me, that had been an issue for awhile. I told him that I was just feeing very emotional and I don’t know why and said maybe it was PMS, but not quiet sure. That was enough explanation for him. He stopped what he was doing, he stopped rushing around as he was getting ready for work and came over and held me. I have to say that meant a lot to me, as I know that he is like me and doesn’t get up any earlier then he has to get ready for work.
Over dinner he continued to tell me that we are really good at communicating. We don’t just grunt and groan and make the assumption the other person can read our minds, we give each other a heads up on how we are feeling so this way we know how to or how not to interact with the other. Whether we should give the other space and time or we should engage in conversation. He reminded me that when I first moved in I gave him a heads up that sometimes I have a bad day at work and I really don’t want to talk about it because it causes me to relive it and then I will get all worked up about it again. He said between that and my texting him before I get home with a heads up on how I’m feeling has really worked. And I have to agree. He does the same for me. Sometimes when I walk in the door he tells me he’s really stressed and had a rough day at work and goes into a little detail about this or that. In turn I’m pretty good at picking up on the cue to not add anything to his plate till he’s had time to relax and I just do my thing and let him talk when he’s ready. About a half hour or hour later he’s done his routine and has unwound a bit and then we will reconvene and make dinner together. By the time we sit down and eat he may have been able to let go and leave his workday behind him or he’ll talk to me about what’s bothering him and as he does he’ll work things out in his mind. Then we’ll either spend more time together or he’ll go back to his computer practice his Russian, that is his current hobby as it gets him to forget about everything and focus on learning a difficult foreign language. If you recall my roommate has ADD and by the evening his medication begins to wear off, so learning a foreign language has helps him to quiet his mind and helps him to focus. Sometimes he’ll do that till it’s time for bed or sometimes he’ll do it just for a little while till he is able to center his mind and then we’ll get back together and spend some time together just relaxing on the couch and chatting about this or that, but not about work. Couch time is one of the highlights of our week. It’s a time we can just get together, relax and chat. It’s a time we share ideas and insights. It’s not a time where we sit down and have these deep philosophical conversations and heated debates about this or that, but more of a time for us to share our feelings, thoughts, and ideas about this or that and in turn we end up reshaping our views, seeing things in a different perspective, learning from the other. One good thing is we are both in agreement that we are ever evolving, learning and growing. And we both seek to learn and grow. We are also aware that we will not be the same person we are today in 10 years from now and we are ok with that, actually we are glad we won’t be because we both know that if you aren’t moving forward you are moving backward because there is no way for anyone to ever stay still.
Not everyone understands the concept that we are ever evolving. Even someone you who read my blog may not see me as who I am today, you may see me thought what ever blog post you read last not realizing that soon as I write something that is in the past. I have moved on. I keep moving forward, this blog is not about now it’s all in the past. It’s about what’s happened yesterday and not a book foretelling the future. The future has yet to be written. A good example of someone who was unable to grasp the difference between present reality and the past was Randy. He would read my blogs from 2 years ago and want be with that person. It’s like going to the movies and falling in love with the main character and wanting to have a relationship with them. The problem with that is movies are all make believe, even if it was autobiographical those are still just characters playing a part. So then you may compare my blog to a reality show, but the reality is by the time you see the episode aired it has already occurred, you can’t go back in time and that is what Randy wanted to do. He wanted to insert himself into the episode, switch with a different character and be part of the episode. At other times it was as if he was watching old episodes of the news. He’d see for example a flood that happened 5 years ago and would get all worried and panicked because he’d think it was happing now. That is how he saw different events in my life. Things I had done in my past that he disapproved of, not things that I regretted, but things he judged as wrong and would reprimand me and hold me prisoner for them as if I was doing them now. But, like the flood that happened 5 years ago the water has now dissipated and unless you saw that news episode you’d never know it ever flooded.
We all grow up with our own senses of reality and what we believe to be right, wrong and how things should be done. We all grow up with our own thought processes and it’s not till we get out into the world that we realize that not everyone thinks the same way we do. Their logics aren’t our logics. And sometimes we are shocked and dismayed at how odd someone else’s ways of thinking can be. All I have to say is I’m happy to be away from Randy and his obscured sense of reality. Things are going so far so good with my roommate. We may not think the same or have the same logics, but we are able to explain ourselves and our reasoning behind why we think this way or that. And after we do both of us are learning new ways of looking at things. Sometimes we change the way we think and other times we just agree to disagree and that is ok too. Either way we have a better understanding of the other and the world around us. Our minds have been expanded and our eyes open to new ideas. And that is why we are here on earth, to learn and grow from each other and to help each other return back to God. I love the saying “We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.” That is so true, God isn’t going to hand out golden ticket to those who did it alone.
Divorce Update: Just a bit frustrated at the moment. Yesterday I looked at my credit card statement and saw that a fee that I had paid to the courthouse on Jan 21 had been reversed. That along with a paper they sent to me stamped Feb 20th should have tipped me off that something was wrong. At least I have an intuitive roommate who convinced me that I really need to give them a call up to see what is going on. So, this morning I took the time to call them up. I come to find out that I didn’t need to pay the fee as I am the responded and already paid them $395 so that would cover this extra fee and that is why they refunded the money. Why they stamped the form Feb 20th was apparently a mistake and the women on the phone asked me to return the form directly to her with a cover letter and she will have it fixed. Now this is a real mystery to me as the whole reason my divorce paperwork was returned to me last time was due to they needed this fee to be paid and they needed some other forms that I had already turned in. I have this feeling that there was nothing wrong with my paperwork last time and they are just confused down there. I have this bad feeling that they will also be returning all of my paperwork due to they are now going to say that the form they just returned to me is now missing from their stack. I have to say getting divorced is very time consuming, expensive and very frustrating. I see why people put off getting divorced and why divorced people have no desire to get remarried as they don’t want to go through this again.
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