I am a Barn

I’m a Barn, not a cow or pig, but a barn.   You may ask why am I not a cow, well for one a cow is much bigger then me, just in case you didn’t notice. And I really like wearing the colors red and pink and a cow has a single palette of black and white.   Now that you know why I don’t consider myself a cow I think I’ll keep you in suspense a while as to why I think I am a barn.

I’ve always envied those girls that have a bff and does everything with her.  It’s just not fair that I don’t have a local girlfriend that is on the same schedule as me who wants to hang out and have fun with me.  A bff that wants to go on crazy road trips , act all goofy with me, and just hang out together and laugh and cry together. In high school I did have a bff for a number of years and we were inseparable at times.  The horrible thing was she graduated a year before me and when she left for college I was totally devastated. Since that time I have not been able to connect with another girl that has a similar schedule with me that we can really hang out, talk and be what bff I see other people have.  A few months back while one my girlfriends was unemployed we had the opportunity to talk everyday on the phone during my 45min commute to work. That was really fun.  It lasted several months till I moved and she went back to school.  But even during that time I still felt like I was missing out on what I saw with these other girls.

Back to my barn analogy. I’ve come to the realization that I may never have that bff that I year for. I will never give up that dream, but for now I am a barn, one of those Amish barns that needs a whole community to raise it. As much as I want that one best friend I think I’ll have to settle for a multitude of best friends. Each serving their own purpose.

I have one local girlfriend that I love hanging out with and she and I encourage each other to go to different church events. We both know how easy it is to get lazy and stay at home so we push each other to get out and be social.  It’s amazing the amount of people we have met and the fun things we have done by just putting in a little effort to get out and make ourselves available.   In addition while we are driving to these events we talk up a storm. It’s amazing how much you can fit into a 20 minute car ride when you know you’re limited on time.

I have another girlfriend that I have know since before my mission back in high school. They had just moved into the area and I was friendly with her son who is also my age.  We didn’t know each other well, but she was around. When I came home from my mission she was my cheering section.  After a while I fell off the face of the earth, then with the invention of face book, we reconnected this past year. She’s amazing. It’s crazy it’s as no time has passed, she is right there by my side reading my blogs and cheering for me.  She is one of the official members of cheer squad.

I have a few other friends that aren’t local, but also read my blog and continue to cheer me on.  They are good examples to me and as a team they are able to say what I need to hear. They set me straight when my thinking gets a little off. They lovingly reprimand me when I’m going in the wrong direction and set me straight. They remind me of what’s important in life and help me achieve my goals, even when I can’t remember what I was working towards.

I have spent a lot of time on the receiving end of love and friendship and it’s nice to be able to turn the table and be on the giving end.  I feel bad sometimes that I am the one always receiving and never giving. I know that friendships need to be balanced and if one feels like they are giving all the time and not receiving then things get strained. 

I was so happy to hear my friend say the other day “that was what I really needed.”  This is a friend that has made been a guiding influence in my life.  He has stood by my side as all hell broke out in my life and let me escape to his house when I didn’t want to be at mine.  I have spent many of days crying on his shoulder in the hot summer heat and he has not pushed me away.  So, actually having the opportunity to be there for him to help him along in getting to where he wants to go in life is refreshing.   Now, I have a place that he can go to if he needs to get away.  I am now in a better place that I can help him along instead of him always being the one to help me along.  I love having a friend I can laugh and cry with.  A friend that we can joke around with, talk about nothing and then all of a sudden be able to talk about gospel things and things that really matter. I love having a friend that isn’t perfect, but is strong in the areas I am weak, or at least is strong at the moment when I am weak. It’s nice to have someone that totally understands what you are going through because they are or have gone through the same things.  The odd thing is what I said to him wasn’t anything from me. I was just repeating back to him things he has told me before that he needs and wants. I am realizing that sometimes what we need more then someone preaching to us is a friend that knows us well enough that they can remind us of what we really want and need.  I had a friend show this to me last year and I am happy that I can pay this forward. It is not always easy keeping an eternal perspective.  Having a friend with the same long term goals has really helped me focus on what I really want and not be so easily distracted to by the crocodile of the world.

Between our deep philosophical discussion and planning out our next move to conquer the world we did a fun little experiment. I have to say it’s nice to have a friend that you can conduct even the silliest or dumpiest experiments and no matter how they turn out you can say at least you enjoyed the ride.  We have tried this experiment out in the past and it didn’t work so I’m not sure why we thought we’d get different results this time, but it was a fun experiment the first time so we thought we’d give it another try.   Maybe we should stop reading the book “The Little Engine That Could,” because some times it just can’t. As I said before the experiment once again failed miserably. On the upside after a through investigations I am proud to say that no animals were harmed in the process. They are a little shaken up but will be ok.  In addition if I didn’t learn anything else from my father, he taught me safely first and always keep a fire extinguisher close at hand.  So the house is still standing and there are no earth shattering results to share other then live is back to status quo.  No one will be living on the moon anytime soon.  And a fun time was once again had by all.