No one likes getting hurt. To prevent pain some of us close our hearts, build walls and install iron gates. This will ensure you don’t suffer pain from friendships gone sour or a broken heart, but you will also be living with a hole in your heart. I’d much rather suffer a broken heart here and get and a few knives in my back then live with a gaping hole in my heart. I have learned that the more open you are the more open others tend to be also.
For many years I lived in fear of people getting to know me, judging me and not liking me. This led me to be a very private person with few friends and even among those friends not really letting anyone in. Back in August of 2009 I started a blog and really put myself out there. I had this idea that I may not be the only one who has gone through these experiences or feel the way I do about stuff and maybe if I were to open up I will find others that can relate to me. To my surprise I was correct. By my opening up, other in turn opened up and many close friendships have been formed and continue to be formed. Many of us had no idea we had so much in common. That is the plus of the experiment. The negative part is my cousin; my mom’s sister’s daughter now hates me. I feel bad for my mom, as we no longer get together with her sister and family for the holiday. But, all is not lost. We now get together with another party of the family, my mom’s cousins and their families and they are the best. We’ve never been close, but this gave us a reason to get closer. I love this part of the family. They are a truly amazing group. So, we may of lost a few soldiers in the process, but we gained a full-fledged army. Ones that truly love and care about me and I know if I ever need someone they will all be there for me. I love my family.
Being hurt by my own flesh and blood really took a toll on me. What happened to the old saying blood is thicker then water? It’s made it even more difficult for me to trust people. I mean if you can’t trust your family then how can you trust someone you just met? Thus I have been very slow to let people in. I have to say that even thought I will probably continue to get stabbed in the back I have made some friendships along that way that make those knife wounds not so bad. Thank you to those friends that I have let in and love me for who I am.
It’s amazing to me how God brings people into my life. I think about the new friends I have met and how our lives have crossed paths. If it weren’t for some really bombed friendships I wouldn’t have met and made some of the friends I have today. So, as much as I dislike getting knives stabbed in my back, everything happens for a reason. Some of my knife throwers were instrumental in my meeting and making the wonderful friends I have today.
I think that fear of rejection stifles many people's lives. It keeps us from taking the necessary risks (such as "putting yourself out there") that will ultimately bring the most gratifying rewards. But as I said, it is risky. We will get our egos bruised, we will get our feelings hurt and our hearts broken, and maybe even suffer public hummiliation. But in the end it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteEvery human being wants and needs the acceptance of others, and is afraid of "not being liked" to some degree. But that fear can be immobilizing and isolating. And when we let fear do that to us, our souls atrophy. We are much more unhappy alone -- even more so than when we are dealing with the drama and pain that love and social-lives can sometimes cause us. Sorry if this was off topic.
Gary