Seeing the light

I think I'm finally figuring it out. After spending yesterday's therapy session writing out a timeline I've coming to the conclusion that I didn't marry the person I thought I did. This is more and more apparent during every couple's therapy session. He continues to reveal more and more things about himself and what he was doing before we got married.

My eyes were opened when he indulged in his addiction on our honeymoon. For a long time I believed that at that moment he changed and became a different person, but now I am realizing that was not the case.

I have this bad feeling that at that moment his true colors were finally being to show through. What do I mean by this? Well, I know he scoured all of my blogs while we were dating.  Even uncovering old blogs that I thought no one would find. At the time I thought he just wanted to get to know me better. But, now I'm realizing that he used that information to woo me.  Those blogs told exactly what I like and what I don't like. All he had to do was follow my handbook and he and anyone else would be able to win my heart. (Knowing this access to my blog is now limited to very close friends.)

Did he do this as a way to deceive me? Honestly I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think he's an evil person. Maybe he liked the person I wanted to marry. Maybe he desired to be have those qualities. So he tried to be that person for him and me. Then on our honeymoon for some reason he let down he guard and his old self took over. He was no longer able to keep being the person he wanted to be and became the person he has always been.  And for some reason as much as he wants to do good deep inside he is not able to break away from his bad habits and old ways.  

He tells me that it breaks his heart to see what he has done to me. But for some reason he is unable to control himself and in turn he is driving away what he wants most.  (And that is Satan's plan, convince us to give up what we want most for what we want now.)

So, what do you think? Is this possible?