I try to live my life with no regrets. But, it doesn’t always work that way. I am also trying to be more assertive, but sometimes life circumstances take over and catches you off guard. Like last night for instance. I’m learning that Benadryl not only affects one’s ability to operate large machinery, but also affects one’s ability to be assertive.
Last week a gentleman from church called me and asked if he could come over. I told him sure as I figured it was someone in a leadership position wanting to come over, meet me and welcome me into the church as I just moved here. Prior to him coming over my roommate asked me if I wanted him to disappear when he came and I said no. I have nothing to hide and thought it would be good for my roommate to see in action how my church operates.
Last night about 8:30pm the gentlemen from church comes over dressed all-nice in a suit and I’m in a t-shirt and sweats with an ice pack as I’m still itching like crazy. In addition I’m only half with it as I just took yet, another Benadryl due to the swelling and itching.
I sit on the loveseat and invite him to sit in the chair and my roommate offers him something to drink, then proceeds to the computer to check his e-mail. The gentleman asks if we can talk privately and my roommate offers to go upstairs. I wanted to say “NO, that this works for me,” but for some reason the cat got my tongue and I just let things proceed. It was horrible. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable as I didn’t know this guy at all. I was trying to be polite and chat, but all I could think was just get to you point and go. He stared off asking the normal questions, where did you move from, did you grow up in the church, but then he starting asking about my roommate. Were we just platonic roommates, did I pay rent, did I find him attractive? Now, that is just going too far. I regret not telling him that he was out of line. But, I was just in shock as his questions escalated to inappropriate to very inappropriate and way over the line. Who is he to ask these questions t? I don’t even know him and it’s none of his business. He told me on the phone that he wanted to talk to me about a calling in the church and these questions do not in anyway effect my ability to do the calling he asked me to do. I am used to the questions of how are your prayers and your scripture study and your relationship with God. Those are normal Home Teacher questions and I am good with that. He did ask these to and I told him it’s good. Maybe I should have gone into greater detail and said: I have an amazing relationship with God. I feel his love for me everyday of my life. I feel his promptings and sadly last night I didn’t heed to them, as I should have. I should have followed God’s promptings and told the gentleman that no, we cannot go somewhere private and to my roommate please stay. I need to work harder on being more God fearing then man fearing and speak up for myself. I did tell my roommate that he asked these questions too, and my roommate asked me if I told him we were reading the scriptures together the other night and we Wikipedia Mormon and now my roommate knows that Mormon isn’t just the nickname of the church, but he’s an actual person. My roommate said he would have been impressed.
The gentleman from church later went on to say that I am going through one of the toughest things someone has to go through in life, in reference to my divorce; he also said he’s never experience. And he said even thought I put on a happy face I must be in pain. I told him I was just glad to get away from the abuse. I think he shouldn’t have said anything, as he has no idea what I’m going through. He has no idea what it is like to be abused by the person who swore just months earlier on your wedding day to love and cherish you and to take care of you in sickness and in health. Getting divorced is expensive and frustrating, but all in all it’s the easy part, living in hell and fearing for your life, now that is the tough part.
Because I’m a loving, forgiving, and understanding person I will give this gentleman the benefit of the doubt that he was just ignorant and maybe new at his calling and didn’t know what was appropriate and inappropriate to say to someone in my circumstances. Either way I am not going to take this lying down. I refused to be walked over anymore. I have a voice and I choose to use it. I do as my roommate suggested this morning and talk to someone at church so they can inform the bishop and then he can this guy that he was out of line and this way I can prevent another women from feeling uncomfortable.
And in the future my roommate knows not to leave me alone with any men even if they show up in a suit and are from my church and even if they request it so hopefully this will never happen again. And sorry to the people who were going to be my home teachers, but after this experience I think I’ll pass.
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