"Over the Hill"

It’s not easy to trying to meld one’s self back into the single scene after so many years of being married. All of a sudden not only am I not married, but I’m old.  I didn’t realize I was SO “Old” until I was denied entry into the YSA(Young Single Adult Group) at church.  It’s kind of a slap in the face when they tell you “You are too old” to be part of this group. So now I’m stuck back in the Family Group at church.  

I didn’t think it would bother me so much until I was told to my face on Sunday that I couldn’t be part of the YSA church group.  I had a feeling all along they would say that, but my friends convinced me ask and said they would make an exception for me.  I left church Sunday feeling like I had been branded. Or like a piece of paper work that got returned with a humongous  rubber stamp covering the front that said DENIED in big bright red letters.

I left church feeling pretty devastated. Once again I am banished to the family church group. I have been part of this group for the past 7 years and it’s been a struggle.  It wouldn’t have been such a struggle if I had local friends.  Many people have friends that they grew up with, went to college with, are neighbors, or work with.  I moved her 7 years ago leaving the few friends I had behind. And even then I didn’t have a lot of friends. I worked in Human Resources for years and it’s impossible to make friends with your coworkers when you are in a management position.  I also moved around a lot before then so all my friends from High school all went away for college and never came back. I went to college out of state so all the friends I made in college live across the country.  And other friends I had made in the singles groups over the years I lived in the area all moved away. So, when I moved here 7 years ago I was back in square 1, friendless. Thank goodness for phones and e-mail I was able to keep in touch with my out of the area friends, but it’s still not the same.  For the past 7 years I have struggled making friends.  I have been successful in making a few friends, but everyone is so busy with their families no one has time to really get together. My ex-husband on the other hand had lots of single friends either from high school that would come to town and they would hang out or go to Reno or to concerts, etc. He also easily made friends with his co-workers and they would go out to concerts, clubs, etc. And I even being married spent countless weekends home alone.  I’m just not a very outgoing person so at work I wasn’t very successful at making friends and those people I did meet, weren’t the type of people that I really wanted to spend time with out side of work.  So I turned to my church in search of finding and making friends. The roadblock that I ran into was they are all so busy with their families. Most of them have young children that need lots of attention and I don’t blame them. I totally understand. If I were them I’d probably be overly involved in my family and when I did get together with other people I would seek out other people with kids my children’s age so while we hung out they would be able to entertain themselves.

So after spending 7 years trying to fit into a family church I’m just not looking forward to going back to that environment. I guess I can just look at it in a different perspective and instead of church being a place to find a social network I can look at it as 3 hours of my Sunday to go and get spiritually enlightened. And take it as face value. Go to church for church and nothing more. Maybe if I looked at it in that way I’ll come to terms of what it really is and not be so bent out of shape about the whole situation and just seek friend elsewhere.

I know I shouldn’t of been going to the YSA activities until I got my divorce papers, but at least I’m not totally back to square 1.  I have made some friends over the past several months so that is good. If I hadn’t been going to the YSA actives I would be single living alone and totally friendless.  Back to sitting at home alone not only on the weekends but, all week long after I got home from work. Now that would be really depressing.   So there are some plusses to breaking the rules. I do have some regrets for how I conducted myself over the past several months. I have made some bad mistakes, but over all there has been more good that has come out of my actions then bad. Thanks to the friends I have made.

According to some I haven’t been totally banished from the YSA activities, but that is just here say.  I’m just not welcome to attend their Sunday church services.  Now I just have to figure out where to go from here.