I recently come across several guys that are 30 something and newbie’s to dating. It’s hard to believe that they have gone this long with out countless notches on their belt. Maybe I just watch too much tv, but I really thought “The-40-Year-Old-Virgin” was a spoof. Being 30 something myself I have been in and out of countless relationships. With every new relationship I and have learned something new. I’m not saying all the lessons have been easy. Some are quite painful, but that is why we are here on Earth. One thing all of these guys have in common is they all dated the Psycho Chick. What am I referring to when I say “Psycho Chick”? It is a girl that twists everything you says around and is offended by everything you say.
After talking to a yet, another guy last night who has never been on a date, I got to thinking that just maybe there isn’t a “Psycho Chick” and instead it’s the guys inexperience of being with girls and talking to girls that makes then think that some chick when Psycho on them. If the guy I talked to last night is the epitome of an inexperienced guy then I see why some chick would appear to go Psycho on a guy. The guy I talked to last night managed to continually put his foot in his mouth and offend me all night long. I wasn’t really offended, but if I weren’t trying to help him I would have been totally put off and offended.
Maybe guys should look at dating like they do job interviews. Sometimes it’s good to go to many job interviews, even for jobs they aren’t qualified for or interested in just for the practice. This way when the right girl comes along just like when the right job comes along they are prepared.
My background is Human Resources and in school we did a lot of roll playing so we would know how to say thing so they are appropriate and non-offensive. When I got into the work force my companies continued to have seminars and workshops to make sure we were up on the laws, because if we said the wrong thing and they took it the wrong way not only would we offend someone we would have a lawsuit on our hands.
I have come to realize that we all interact with others differently depending on our upbringing. I grew up with a very sarcastic father and in turn I am very sarcastic. I have been working on curbing my sarcasms because I have realized it is very offensive and hurtful to others. Some people joke around a lot and grew up with siblings that picked on them so they are very joking and may easily offend someone who isn’t used to that type of interaction. On the other hand they may have grown such a tough skin, they may not even realize what they are doing is offensive, just like I never realized my mannerisms of sarcasm was offensive until someone pointed it out to me.
Dating a lot and having many relationships helps each of us in learning the appropriate ways of communicating with each other. It would be nice if we could communicate with everyone the same way. This isn’t possible since we all have different backgrounds. Something that is offensive to one person may not be offensive to another. So that girl that you called “Psycho Chick” may not be Psycho after all. Instead it may be the two of you just have different ways of communicating. Neither way is right or wrong it is just different.
If you get into a relationship with a “Psycho Chick” you have a choice. If you really love her and want to make the relationship work the two of you can talk about your different communication styles and both make some alterations to the way the two of you talk. Or you may choose to find someone who’s communication style mirrors yours and this way you can spend less time offending each other on accident.
I don’t want to be called a “Psycho Chick,” but some probably think this of me because I’m really sensitive. I am very sarcastic because that is how I learned to speak, but I don’t take sarcasm very well. I know that is quite contradictory. I don’t have a thick skin and I don’t take jokes well or like being made fun of. If you have had to acquire a thick skin due to having been picked on as a kid, I’m sorry. That really stinks, that was very cruel and unfair. You can call it cursed or blessed that I didn’t build a wall around me to protect me from being hurt. I’m working on growing a thicker skin. I know it would be good for me to brush things off more. On the other hand being sensitive allows me to be sensitive to others. I am able to feel others pains and joys and that has been a blessing. I’ve had some remarkable experiences feeling true empathy, not just sympathy and if I have that thick skin you are so proud of I may of not been able to have this eye opening experience.
On the other hand if every girl you date turns out to be “Psycho Chick” then there is a good possibility you just have horrible communication skills and maybe it be best if you thought more before you spoke and consulting a good friend that has had more experience in dating and hasn’t dated every psycho chick other there may be a good idea. Also having some friends that are girls to help you roll play with is also a good idea.
All in all dating helps you figure these things out.
Hearing about the “Psycho Chick” and writing this blog I have learned a valuable lesson. I need to have friends and date people that have the same type of communication style as me. Relationships are complicated enough with out accidently offending each other due to different communication styles. It’s not like looking at a person’s hair color; it will take time to get to know someone to figure out their communion style, but in the long run it sounds like it’s a good investment. I may not find someone’s that exactly mirrors mine, but the closer the better.
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