At the end of my rope.

Don’t tell God how big your problems are.

Tell your problems how big your God is.

I heard this today and loved it. This is exactly what I am doing. Yes, I may be at the end of my rope, but I have the most wonderful friends in the world that are giving me their last ropes. I know that they are struggling just as much as I am at this time with their own stuff, but they are still so willing to jump in and offer me up their last ropes.  Wow, it amazes every time that I have a crisis that if only I ask they will drop everything and jump in to pull me out of the burning building. 

(I have to add that I am married to an amazing man who is my best friend, but sometimes that isn’t enough I still need my girl friends. I need people who have been there, that have experienced similar things and that can share with me things they have learned from there life experiences. So as much as I want to be his everything I know that he also needs an outside support system to build him up and to give him a helping hand.)

The other great giver of ropes is God.  He truly is amazing. He gives me the extra bursts of encouragement that gets me keep going even thought I’m so tired I just want to give up. He reminds me that all the hard work will pay off with great reward.  He is like a father on a long road trip, “only 5 more minutes,” or “it’s just over this next hill.” He says things and does things for me that keeps me going. He is the only one that can fully forgive and restore. I have learned that thru god anything is possible, if only you believe. It may

This is just another testimony to me that God loves me and watches over he. He directs all things and puts the right people in my path right when I need them. If only I had just opened up my mouth years ago I wouldn’t have had to suffer alone for so long. Well now is now and we can’t change the past. So all I can say is thank you dear friends.

To top of my amazing week my girlfriend invited me over for lunch/dinner tonight and it  was delicious.  It was so nice to sit down to a home cooked mean. The first since I’ve been back from my honeymoon. Not only have I not had time to cook since I’ve been home, I’ve barley had time to eat. So this was a great blessing to have the invitation and the time.  To you it may have been nothing, but to me it meant the world to me. To just to be able to sit down and talk,  to catch up, to share. I love you so much. You are an amazing friend.

(revised) Even thought the rug was pulled out from under me and I landed flat on my back unable to move due to the shock doesn’t mean that I have given up.   That is far from the case. Yes, I was initially stunned. Yes, I tried to ignore it, shake it off, but then after talking to a very wise women was told that I need to confront it head on. I need to express how it “REALLY” made me feel.  I did, but I don’t think what I said quite sunk in. So I tabled it for a time, as it was just bad timing all around to deal with it.  Now, appears to be the time to deal with it. And dealing with it head on is what I am doing. If I were to give up I wouldn’t be exhausted both mentally and physically. I wouldn’t be putting 500% into fixing this head on. When I get tired, I know I can’t stop, I need to keep going. Not because I have any energy within myself because I don’t, I am beyond worn out, but through God’s help I keep going. It is thought his assistance that I get up every morning and go to work. It is through his assistance that I have found the resources that I have. He has put the people in my path that have keep me going every day.  He put in my heart the knowledge that times might be hard right now, but they will get easier and it will all be for our good. For some reason I need to learn this lesson now and God has and will give and provide me with all that I need to overcome this hurdle.  Even with God’s help and my friend’s giving me their last ropes it still isn’t easy. I still spend a lot of time crying. A lot of time on my knees praying and pleading with God for strength to go on.  And I am happy to say that my prayers are always answered. And so here I am pressing forward.

 If I were to give up I wouldn’t tell you want is going on and be asking and pleading for your help and advice. I wouldn’t be investing my time researching the best therapy out there. And for sure I wouldn’t be investing the money or time to under go such intense therapy.   I want to live. I want it all. I want the “happily ever after” and I know it is possible to achieve.   “Happily ever after,” is not just for fairy tales. I don know that in order to get there it takes a lot of work from all parties involved.  And that is our plan.

Do I think of giving up in the sense of I would like to trade group therapy for retail therapy. Who wouldn’t.  If you have followed my blogs for a while you heard about the shoe company fluevog. Oh, how I would love to get a pair of their shoes. They are adorable and I have heard they are very comfortable.  Unfortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll be modeling one of their to die for shoes any time soon, but I am not going to give up the dream of every owing a pair of these coveted shoes. Some day.

Seriously, it would be nice to spend the $275/mo on retail therapy. I don’t think I’ve ever had a mall budget that big before. Let’s just sit here and day dream a bit. What could I buy if I had $275 extra a month. If I saved up for a couple of months I could buy my fluevog. Or I could actually afford to buy clothing in the mall instead of thrift stores.  Or if I did go to thrift stores I could get a whole new wardrobe. I could finally get complete outfits with matching jewelry that I’ve always wanted. What would you do if you had an extra $275/mo?

Today I am not giving up. I have not worked this hard for the last two weeks to give up. 

I’m happy to report that I am finally all moved and I got my entire security deposit back. I am thankful for the two young men that came and helped me move my furniture. I couldn’t of done it with out them. Things I hope will be a little easier and less stressful for here on out. Most everything has been put away, so hopefully I will now have more time to eat, cook, exercise, and sleep.  Yes, you read it, the bare necessities of life that I have lacked for the last 2 weeks. Oh, how I look forward to a routine. I am so happy that most everything has a place, I can now flip on the light when I walk in the door and don’t have to trip over boxes to bring light to the room.

In addition I am so happy to be sleeping in my own bed.  I never really understood the joys of sleeping in one’s own bed till this last month and now I can say sleeping in one’s own bed really makes a difference in life. Now all I need to do is get a massage to get all of these knots out of my lower back and I think I will soon be able to sleep in peace and wake up well rested in the morning.  This will surly be a new concept for me.

Back to the quote, I just want Satan to know that we can overcome this and through God’s help we will be stronger because of it. So in the end we can say, your plan to destroy us has only made us stronger. We are not there yet, but we will be, real soon.