Letter writing is therapeutic

They say that writing letters and not sending them is very therapeutic. I heard George Washington did this while in office and that he also had a friend out of politics who he used to confide in and talk through all of his problems through. Let’s see how it works. Hopefully after it’s written I will feel better and have a more positive perspective on life. 

Dear Husband:

Congratulations! You win.  You have complete control of me and this relationship.  I have absolutely no privacy as you have shown me you can easily hack into my accounts.  Thus you are able to track my every move. You can see my comings and goings of the day and as you know I relay on my calendar to make sure I make it to my appointments you now have the power to alter that as you please.  From my e-mails you can control all of my relationships by hacking into my e-mails altering them as you please and deleting the ones you don’t want me to read.  Cyberspace used to not have a monopoly, but you now own it.  You also control my performance at work.  If you goal is for me to get fired so I will be home under your thumb then you are succeeding.

You have me in complete submission. I haven’t had panic attacks in years and now I have them nearly every day. Last night driving home I sobbed the whole way and after parking it took me a while to get out of the car due to I was unable to catch my breath.  If you goal is for me to fear you and tremble at the though of coming home you have succeeded.

This morning I wanted to get up and exercise but, I was afraid to face you so I laid there not moving pretending to be asleep, waiting for you to leave.

I so want to soar. I want to be the wife that I know I can be. I want to dote on you.  Serve you hand and food, but you have clipped my wings and now I am a wounded bird just limping along.

If you would only treat me like the princess I am I will make you wildest dreams come true.

Your Subservient Wife

He thinks I hold all the power, but that is not true. If I held all the power we’d be living happily every after.  I have no desire to control him or anyone else, that takes too much work. I learned early on that it is better to delegate then to micromanage. If you have all the power and control that mean you have to do all the work. If you delegate you teach the skills necessary and let you staff soar.  The burden is no longer on your shoulders and a weight is lifted.  I am all about delegating. 

I know there is a reason for everything and maybe God didn’t intend for this to be the one, but to lead me to what I need at this time. Maybe I was led to him so I could find Leslie, my therapist who has now diagnosed me with PTSD and is treating me for that along with depression and anxiety. And she led me to Linda who is going to help treat my PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other health related issues.

If that is the reason for Marriage #3 then all I can say is Thank You God.  Your way may not be my way, but I know you know the beginning from the end and therefore I know if I keep trusting in you and following you I will be on the right path that will lead me to my happily ever after ending.

Thus nothing is lost, all of these trials I am facing right now is just a hiccup in life. 

*************
End note. I have to add he has been nice the last 2 nights I have been home. He hasn't attacked me with his words like he has done every other night. I'm shocked. Hopefully he can keep it up, I'm crossing my fingers.

I do believe in God and miracles. Maybe this huge miracle will keep repeating it's self.