Limitations- We all have them

New Year's Eve 2011

The reality is we all have our limitations.  Not all of us are aware of our limitations and even if we are we may not know how to deal with, live, with or know of ways to over come or work with our limitations. And then there are some who have a notion that they have limitations, but rather live in denial. It's quite shocking if you actually meet someone who says, I have these limitations and this is what I do personally to work with them and this is what you can do so you don’t get frustrated with my limitations.  I remember the first day I moved into my new place my roommate tells me: “I’m demanding, needy, and worth it. In addition I'm trainable.” This isn't much you can say to that. I may have thought of myself at times, but have never verbalized or had anyone say this to me. Most people you meet do their best to put on a facade, pretending to be someone they aren’t, but sooner then later their true self shines through and it’s usually not a very pretty site.   Maybe if we were more upfront and honest people we would suffer less heartbreak and enjoy more happiness. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone came with a written disclosure. It’s like when you go to the store, every thing comes with an ingredient list and it us up to us as a consumer whether or not to buy the product with all the fillers, that was chemically engineered and filled with artificial sweeteners.

It’s been a whole new experience for me to live with someone who is very educated as in he graduated from a prestigious university and even got his masters degree and who is also educated in how he works. I have to say living with some one in their 30’s has it’s advantages.  He is aware of his learning disabilities and his limitations due to having ADD.  Maybe being diagnosed with ADD and his learning disability in college was a blessing as he was mature and motivated to educate himself in how to work with them so he can function in society.  He is aware that he mishears/misinterprets things that sound similar so he has informed me that if I don’t want to get frustrated and what him to actually hear what I am saying I need to look at him when I talk and to enunciate.  I’m not the best at remembering to do this so he kindly reminds me and I’m slowly learning.

We are, both aware of many of our limitations and doing our best to train the other to ensure a happy home environment.  I have to say we are both aware that there is a learning curve and it will take time for us to be trained and do the training, but for now we are both thinking that the other is worth the investment.

The good thing is we are both are going in with the attitude of being willing to be trained and to train. We are both open to new ideas and ways of doing things.  Last night we were discussing his ADD medications. The one he is on now is effective for 12 hours. Which is relativity a long time, but at the same time if you take it at 7am it’s only good till 7pm and if you are the normal person you still have a good 3 hours to deal with before bed.  And if the meds wear off you are left to figure out how to control your mind. What he has done in the past is to self medicate with a combination of liquor, caffeine, and Benadryl (which helps him to sleep and assists with his allergies).  This combination has worked in the past to an extent. Last night he told me that there is another medication that may work better, but instead of paying $3/mo it’s $25/mo. He was on it before and it was working, but due to being furloughed for the past year he had to cut costs and that was one of the things he cut.  Now that the furlough is over and I’m also renting he said maybe he should give it a try again. I agreed and said that I’m also paying a lot for supplements and medications to ensure I am living a full life as possible and if you can’t put a price on happiness then the extra cost we are both spending is worth it. So, hopefully he’ll make the switch and we’ll see how it goes. It would be nice to have a few more hours with him as all the good ones are being used up while at work. But that is reality most of the times, we expend all of our energy while on the job and by the time we get home our family ends up just getting the leftovers. I’m hoping to change that, for me too. I don’t want my family to always be getting the short end of the stick. That is so unfair that those you love and care about most get stiffed.  In doing so I have changed my routine. Instead of going home starving. I make sure I eat a late lunch and snack constantly through the day so I don’t go home hungry and grouchy. I have also figured out that it works out better if he gets home first so now I’m more apt to run a few errands after work even thought I’d rather just hurry home and this is making for a more pleasant home life.

 We’ve been living together for a little over a month now and are both learning and adapting and so far so good.  Hopefully harmony at home continues. Don’t get me wrong life it’s always roses at home. My feelings do get hurt at times and he does things or says things that trigger my PTSD, but we talk about it and sometimes we table a conversation for later and other times we end up agreeing to disagree and that is ok too.   And other times he totally mishears me and has to ask a dozen times for me to repeat or clarify.  The good thing is what he hears at times is so off the wall that he knows I must have said something totally different so he does have the sense, patience, and cares enough to questions me.  And then like last night we both came home quite grouchy so it was a rough night. We talked about it this morning and have some ideas of how to prevent future rough nights. We're hoping that the new medication will assist and maybe some routine changes will be implemented on those days when he comes home mentally overloaded. Right now it's all in theory, so we'll have to see how it does in practice. Time will tell. The good thing is we are willing to try new things to see what works and hopefully after enough tweaking we'll find something workable for all parties.