Visit from Dad

I love my weekends. It’s my time to snuggle, cuddle, relax, and be showered with love.  I’ve finally adjusted to sleeping alone and have come up with a workable routine for now.  It’s been a huge adjustment and not all of my needs are being filled at this time, but I’m working on creating a livable situation.  My weeks are filled with working 8-5, going to the gym, and then coming home and verging out on the couch, eating a simple dinner on the couch, watching tv and surfing the internet.  I tried to be well rounded on the weekends, spend time with friends, meet other singles, but the truth is for now all I really want to do is spend my weekends alone at my house with my puppies watching holiday movies.  It’s the holidays and there are tons of parties, but honestly it seems to be bit more effort then it’s worth. I work so hard doing the week, go to the gym nearly every day and spent way too much time crying or trying not to cry that on the weekends I want a guaranteed good time. I want to relax and cuddle and be loved.  And for now my puppies do that for me.  I have a ton of holiday movies on the DVR so we’re set for a few more weekends.

With that being said I wasn’t sure how it would be to add my Dad to the mix. I’ve been missing him so I invited him up for the weekend. And let me say it turned out a million times better then expected. I always forget how much I enjoy spending time with him and how unstressful it is to have him around.  We had a wonderful relaxing weekend together and I was soooo sad to see him leave.   I look forward to getting together again with him soon.

It’s sad I haven’t seen much of my parents this past year as I’ve felt so ill that all I wanted was to be alone at home. And haven’t felt well enough to drive down to see them.   The allergy shots twice a week really took a toll on me. All I did was lay around on ice packs.  So now that I’ve moved onto maintenance I’m feeling much better in that regard. 

I kind of feel guilty that I’m not being more social, making an effort to date. But, then I think I just ended a long-term relationship a horrible marriage, and had my heart broken more time then imaginable in such a short time. That should give me some free time.  

I finally figured out why my heart aches so much. I thought it was from the last man that broke my heart, but I've come to realize that it's not just him, it's an accumulation of all heart breaks that I have recently suffered.  My hopes and dreams keep getting shattered.